


Before the Beginning and After the End

by lasciviousWildheart



Series: Infinity Mechanism [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:27:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasciviousWildheart/pseuds/lasciviousWildheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Did getting Dirk and Jake into Davepeta's club REALLY warrant 40,000 words taz?"</p><p>Why, yes. Yes it absolutely did. </p><p>You can probably mostly thank the lovely folks at my go-to homestuck discord for this tbh i burn for dirkjake every second of every day</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stress (Despot)

DIRK: Jake.   


He was curled in on himself when he said your name, casually, short and absent. You knew right away that he was mostly focused on that contraption he was messing with. You also know you had his full attention.

JAKE: Yes, strider?  


He, however, would have to do with getting about half of yours. This book you could barely fucking read was presently consuming most of your attention and all of your energy. And anyway, you’d tried looking at Dirk directly a couple of times, and it hadn’t turned out well. It wasn’t even useful, it was just some car motor he found washed up and started undoing, claiming he wanted to get an up-close look at “Old Earth Technology”. 

Well, he was getting a look so close he was getting it all over himself. There were pitch-black splotches of oil all over his forearms and bare chest, the necklace he’d alchemized recently (with twin ‘dog tags’ with tiny smuppet asses jutting outwards) stuck hard against the tiny bristles of his chest ( _had it been a whole afternoon since he shaved already? You could almost roll your eyes if it was that easy to look away_ ). His shirt was thrown off to the side behind him on the bright green grass that was closer to you while he toiled and tussled with the machine in the sand, and you were having trouble believing he was going to let those sharp black jeans he loved so damn much just STAIN like that. 

There was no end in sight to this, either. Dead machinery and engineering lay in waste all around you, a veritable playground left out for Dirk by a quirk of the imprecise terraforming all of you had done to the Earth. He had been ecstatic when you found it wandering over the shore of your island, a beach you’d once loved utterly decimated by this invasion of metal wreckage. You know he’d been ecstatic, because without breaking a feature he’d softly mouthed “Cool.” under his breath. 

He had been sticking closer than usual since you’d managed to resurrect dear, sweet, precious Detective Acorn ( _and then promptly remembered the book never actually blew up all along, it had been stuffed in a cabinet in Jane’s house, you and Roxy both had copies now_ )--not enough to really tire you out, but enough that you’d had to ask him to leave you alone a couple of times. You’d been surprised by how much he wanted to hear your reactions to the book in real-time, even if said reactions were mostly a lot of frustrated grumbling and holding your head against the aching for a couple of minutes at a time. 

Ever since you’d found this pile-up, then, Dirk had been an almost constant presence on the island. Ordinarily you thought this would bother you, but he was willing enough to halt when you requested privacy, and there really WAS no good place to put this stuff closer to Can Town. But it didn’t quite add up. Dirk was having fun, sure. But he had been showing up consistently dressed in sharp, tight clothes--not entirely suitable to the demands of hard experimental technical research. And he’d been almost grinning whenever circumstances forced a tear in cloth, a removal of a shirt, more of his skin exposed to the harsh beating of sunlight.

 

He was enjoying himself a _lot_ , more than was usual for Dirk, and you were beginning to suspect he was doing some of it for your benefit. When you’d first begun to get an inkling you’d felt woozy, a deep heat pushing into your crotch directly from your cheeks. Not exactly comfortable, but in a nice way deeply hotter than the heat of the sun bearing onto the beach.

 _Your beach_ , you remind yourself, watching Dirk’s boney shoulders bulge and flex on removing some piece of metal from on top of your tree. He was sweating, concentrated and wrapped around the thing almost like it was a baby. You remember the night a couple of weeks ago like a flash--Dirk wrapped around you from under, his body at your touch so entirely you might as well have been enveloping it, your dick between his thighs, pressing in. 

If the heat of thinking of Dirk putting on a sexy show for your pleasure had been a bomb going off in your guts, then the memory of being inside him, his voice going raspy and reedy, was like a smack of lightning on your eyes and lips. You still hadn’t talked about it. Because fuck, of course you hadn’t. An entire magical flipping journey trying to teach you all just to christbabbling CHAT at each other, and you still couldn’t stop running away.

Or at least chickening out, if you were being more charitable. Dirk had tried alluding to the subject a few times and you’d dodged, and you both knew damn well what he was doing now and you were avoiding, so you both knew perfectly well who needed to kick the ball in the hoop, as Dave would say. 

You had no idea what you were so gosh blubbering afraid of. The man was making it perfectly clear he was happy as a clam with your actions and readily available for more, and you could tell your silence was starting to irritate him. So what? What was the problem, you wishywashy numbskull??? Why not just say “Well hey there mr strider it would really knock me wooshy right now if you’d just assure me you wanted me splitting your coconuts open as much as i did!”, what would be so bloody hard about that???

But you couldn’t. No matter how you tried the words would not coalesce, not come together. The idea of hearing him SAY it was even worse--you felt like it would positively break you with embarrassment and ecstasy. Maybe you just weren’t grown up enough to handle things like this??? But the idea of being denied the chance to continue was even more unbearable. 

You knocked your book against your forehead. Any minute now Dirk was just going to get sick of your shit and--

DIRK: Why won’t you talk about us fucking?  


Come and knock the whole thing wide open. You weren’t surprised in the slightest, this was the most predictable result in the entire lousy multiverse, but you still jump and promptly fall off the branch of your tree. You land in the sand underneath with an _oof_ , on your arm and leg. Good thing being god tier made you kind of floaty and bouncy even when you were caught in a spook, you might have broken something otherwise you think. 

 

You look over at him. He’s still half embedded in that fucking motor but he stopped working on it completely--the black V of his glasses staring down at you directly. He watched you cooly, with passive interest. A see-through lie, of course. His playful seductive edge was gone, worn down you guess after days of commitment, and now he was just worried. You suppose you knew you weren’t going to get away with this forever, but it made you sorry to see it anyway.

But. Uh. About what he’d said, how to answer? Well that’s just, well, yes that was quite--

JAKE: Blimey did i think all those things between when you said my name and just then???  
JAKE: Hahahaha jolly fucking knickers isnt that just the dandiest friggin thing?????  
DIRK: What?  
JAKE: Nothing all im suggesting is that you might be rubbing off on me a bit bro hahaha!!  
DIRK: No. I’m not.  
DIRK: It’s kind of starting to make me think there’s a problem, actually.   


An understatement. That was SUCH a bloody understatement and you knew it. If Dirk was actually bringing it UP, he had definitely been up all night in sleepless terror about it since the very first day, right after you all got back from that wild fucking Caliborn-venture and he’d messaged you, slyly implying an encore of the wild night of passion you’d engaged in the night before it. 

The fact that he was so good at hiding it only pissed you off, and made him hotter. Stupid lousy goddamn perfect Strider. Couldn’t ever just fucking show a clink in his armor for a change, or be phased by something, or come off as in any way unprepared or stupid. That was all your dominion, and you couldn’t believe for a second Dirk actually thought highly enough of you to warrant his willing submission to you.

It was nonsense, absolute gibberish, you knew that--but that was the problem, wasn’t it? Trying to believe that was how he felt, that you weren’t just a trophy but of value to him, felt just about impossible. What you wanted was to hear it--no, not to hear it, he’d done nothing but SHOUT it at you in silence for almost three years now, but to hear the WHY of it, the HOW, the WHAT about it was about you that led him to act like this, to seek and to trust you, not just enough to be your lover but enough to call you friend.

You wished he’d at least fucking tire of the oil on his skin as quickly as he’d tired of your semen, gotten frustrated and walked out on the machines into a shower hours after he’d taken what he wanted from them. Taken longer to wash off the corollary inconveniences.  
What the fuck was up with THAT? 

Even now, even though you could see right through it, that unbreakable facade remained. An iron wall of wit and wile. Oh how it pained you, the yearn to break it. The yearn to find a version of Dirk that would sound enough like the moaning and the loving of the one in that night’s bed that you could successfully wind them into the same person, reconcile them into your same best friend. 

 

But how? What did that look like? What should you even SAY? Hey, Dirk, I’d like you to be brutally sincere and tell me nice things about me? Could you scribe me up one of your lousy philosophical dissertations on just what my sexual appeal to you is? Could you give me a way to once and for all, undoubtedly, believe that all your emotion for me isn’t some bizarre take on pity? 

You could remember him now with perfect clarity, that version of Dirk who you’d literally created--not in this lifetime, but in another. A genuine knight in shining armor, a prince when you needed to be swept into safety. A kind of want that cared about hurting you. When all the chips had been down to the count, that was what you’d wanted, that was what you believed in. 

But that was a world apart from Dirk, who never needed saving --provided his enemy wasnt literally invulnerable. And more than that, it was worlds apart from the kind of man Dirk wanted to be. The kind of man Dirk might still want you to be, despite his comfort with dropping the form of address. You really didn’t know if Dirk had some recollection of the event--it was hard to say how much of that particular Dirk, the one in your mind, had been made up of you or had been made up of him. 

But even if he didn’t, you did. And you wanted to tell him. But there were so many ways you were incompetent or slow or a burden, and even their denials of it--even your lucky moment and the Sweet Save you’d apparently given them, with all their accolades to go along for it--couldn’t drown out the voice that swallowed you whenever you thought about Dirk happy to be under you again. A twisted warble of a feeling that echoed Dirk and Jane at their worst, (you knew it was just their worst, of course?) but that didn’t help when it argued _NOT GOOD ENOUGH._

Surely that had to be how he felt, a thin and panicky thing in your brain insisted and insisted. And if he didn’t know already, maybe knowing what you wanted was a savior would be what would seal the deal. 

Your glasses were dirty again, you noticed. The sand had kicked up in a breeze and knocked itself into the dirt of them, taking the vision of Dirk away from you because it was too dirty to see. A stupid misstep. Again a sharp contrast--Jane and Dirk never had trouble keeping their spectacles clean. This was a thought that came out often, a blind and mean lash from some writhing thing in your temples. Usually it was harmless but this time it whipped and slapped and stung bright and the world suddenly went blurry in a sheen.

DIRK: Jake. Are you...crying?   
JAKE: N-no!! No, I’m mbnot!!  
DIRK: Holy shit. Listen dude, I’ll come back later.  
DIRK: Fucking christ, I didn’t realize I was--pushing you, sorry,  
DIRK: Jesus dick, Jake. I’m--  
JAKE: MMBBNO!! NO, DONG’T GO!!!  
JAKE: I’m FINE i promise just!!! *sniff* just give me a minute.   


He froze with his back to the shoreline, tight and restrained, like you’d ordered him to freeze.  
The mask had broken a fair bit, and there was a lock to his jaw that set deep. He looked grim, and miserable, and guilty. Dammit dammit dammit. When would you ever learn not to wait until the last minute like this??? 

Though it wasn’t even, probably. The last minute last time had been basically never when you’d felt your worst, and even now you sensed that these waters were more shallow, the danger to the two of you more forgiving. You probably could have fucked up harder, you figure. And anyway, you’ve learned enough to know Dirk needs you to focus, needs you to suck up all the fears and put your coins in where your shitty nonsense thoughts speak.

DIRK: Um. Are you sure? I…  
JAKE: It was just bad timing, dirk! I’m fine, i’m okay, really.   
JAKE: It all just...i was deep in thought, acorn was having a really dark and thunderous moment  
JAKE: But um. yes youre obviously right, we should discuss all of that i think  
DIRK: Really, now?  
JAKE: Ugh, dirk, just… >X(8  
JAKE: Do you ALWAYS have to say the puppy fuckers OPPOSITE of EXACTLY what you mean????  
DIRK: P--puppy f--  
JAKE: Ok fine you wanted to talk about it so lets talk about it!!!!   
JAKE: It was fine and DANDY dirk just DANDY   
JAKE: I just cant imagine why you wouldve let me have my way like i did!!!  
JAKE: Or WHY for that matter youd even want to do this--   
JAKE: This--  
JAKE: Bizzare mechanic striptease show for me!!!  
JAKE: What??? What about me warrants the attention????  
JAKE: You say im not dumb but its not like im no genius!  
JAKE: Im not a brave manly adventurer like im sure you wanted  
JAKE: Heck most of the time i cant even keep my friggin fuckled GLASSES CLEAN!!!  
DIRK: Um. Woah.   
JAKE: Oooooh blistering goddamn fingers fuck off!!! Im descending into a full fledged case of the vapors here and you respond like a gentle wave reached up to fondle you to sleep!!!   
DIRK: Dude,  
JAKE: Why do you always have to be so insufferably unflappable!! Why dont you ever say anything you’re actually FEELING unless your brains have been diddly dood FUCKED into a CELESTIAL BLOODY PLANE OF BEING!!!   
DIRK: Jake. Stop.   
JAKE: Why does everything have to be some inscrutable fucking puzzle just to determine if you have FEELINGS beside EXISTENTIALLY WELL-REASONED!?  
DIRK: YES, I DO, YOU ASSHOLE.  
DIRK: YOU’RE KIND OF FUCKING FREAKING THEM OUT HERE!  
JAKE: !   


You looked up at him from where you were sitting up. He hissed his breath in deep. Fuck, it was true, you thought with a sinking in your heart. You’d broken through him completely. It had been just as easy as being downright awful for a moment, and with a sick pang you realized there was only one other time you’d heard him sound the way he just did.

_I’ll spare you the trouble. It’s over._

The shell of the man broken open, he suddenly poured over, deflated. Your heart plunged even lower than the bottom you thought could exist, because you recognized this emotion even having never seen him do it. He wasn’t angry, or defensive.. He wasn’t ready to act at all. He was sad. Tired. Defeated.

DIRK: I thought...christ, I’m sorry, I should’ve known I was pushing it.  
DIRK: I thought we were doing...well.   
JAKE: Dirk...we can, i mean, we are.   
JAKE: It’s not like that please don’t think it is…  
DIRK: I was being too pushy, I came into your space and I--  
JAKE: Nnnnope nope nope i didn’t mind you were here, you left whenever i asked you to!  
JAKE: You did perfectly right by me dirk and i wont hear a word of protest on the matter!!!  
DIRK: …  
DIRK: I’m reserving the right to call bullshit on that. I almost did.  
JAKE: Shit dirk i...didn’t think it’d get like this...i was just having a hard time trying to--  
DIRK: It’s fine. I get it. ‘We Wait’ and all that bullshit.  
DIRK: It was unreasonable to assume we wouldn’t fuck up again in forever.   
DIRK: And it sounds like I fucked something up, too.  
DIRK: Can you please just tell me now instead of waiting another month? Please?  
DIRK: I can’t do this shit again.   


Jesus christ, you should’ve been careful what you wished for. Dirk had straight up collapsed himself onto the back of the motor, sat with his legs in a loose sprawl and kept his hands over his face, away from you. He was just so fucking intense, so mind-bogglingly weighted either one way or another. It was all you could do not to drown in the push and the pull of him. 

You bit your lip. This one was your mess, almost entire. Dirk might’ve tried a bit too hard, but he’d been good enough to keep away when asked to. You had kept your yap shut throughout and now you were paying for it. Now it was probably all or nothing. 

The thought of you saving Dirk, saving all of them in a storm of white trouncing Caliborn--that thought isn’t enough to drown out the voices of him that screamed their disappointment in you. Those voices are steady and loud under the premise of intimacy with him, and they reminded you of something Roxy had told you once. Something about him just made it really, really hurt to be a letdown. 

Was that love? Was that what love was? You didn’t know, but that thought of him hurt and pained and vulnerable, that thought of you playing the part of savior, it was at least strong enough to get you to hope you could do something to blunt this field of sharp things between you two. If you were gentle enough. 

You get up. Awkwardly shuffle, Acorn heavy and sweaty in your left hand, and drop down against him, lean your back into the sharp metal corner. The sky a yellow-gold tint, reflected sickly by the green sea. Dirk’s shoulder tenses where it brushes against the cloth of your jacket, and you don’t press deeply into it. You just sit there, neutral and friendly, as absent a presence as words blinking on a screen. 

 

The waves roll over and roar lazily, peaceful and vibrating. You love these sands, these places of water and salt and grass. You thought back to your old daydreams of you and Dirk playing and splashing out there, the girls and you teamed up in battle, waging war of loving stakes. Now here you were--half of you, at least-- and you’d never even pointed out the view.

JAKE: Heheh. The view is nice, isn’t it?   
DIRK: What are you talking about?   
DIRK: Jake, I need to know what the fuck you mean.  
JAKE: Oh. Yeah, sorry, it was just a thought i had.  
JAKE: Remind me to say that again later i guess when it’s more romantic  
DIRK: I guess I should take that as hopeful, but it’s not really sticking.  
JAKE: Ok. Well i said what i meant basically   
JAKE: I like you and all and i enjoyed the other night a lot but...   
JAKE: Jeez, i dunno if i was ready for it.  
JAKE: Or at least i wasnt ready to believe you wanted it from me.  
JAKE: It all feels so real now that you felt like this all this time and the things im supposed to take from it.  
JAKE: Like that you think im smart, or cool, or something desirable that isnt just about how great my body is supposedly which is like ALL i ever hear that sounds sincere.   
JAKE: I think i’d feel awful if i thought it was just that i happened to have the right set of equipment for you but...  
JAKE: I dont really think thats it?? You couldnt pretend to be my friend if that was all you wanted or at least you wouldnt put that much work to it.  
JAKE: But whenever i think about it its like the way i felt during the session comes roaring back with a vengeance at me!   
JAKE: I just….I can’t bring myself to believe in myself.  
JAKE: Or at least, to believe that you believe in me.   
DIRK: That...sounds like a pretty big crisis of hope to me, dude.   
DIRK: It A) Kind of convinces me I’m inherently toxic.  
DIRK: And B) Makes me wonder how the fuck you can do any of your hopey shit.   
JAKE: um...i dunno?   
JAKE: Both times i did i just never really thought about any of this  
JAKE: Well there was another time besides those when i couldnt i guess…  
JAKE: But anyway i dont feel like i could do much hopey squat diddly right now, even if i put my mind to it.   
DIRK: Ah. Sorry about that.   
DIRK: Are you sure you don’t want me to leave and never bother you again? I will.   
JAKE: Aw dirk come on its not like its YOUR fault, don’t put it like that…  
DIRK: Prince of Heart, dude. It’s right in the mythology.   
DIRK: Practically all I’m about is totally obliterating anyone’s natural homeostasis with the sheer force of my existence, apparently.   
DIRK: Physical or emotional.  
JAKE: Oh come on you know thats a fucking load of rubbish!!! That doesnt have to mean shit!  
JAKE: Sure you could stand to be more aware of it but its not like it DEFINES you, stupid!!  
JAKE: Just like inexorable cowardice doesnt have to define me!!!  
JAKE: And anyway we are kind of improving at this arent we?! If only marginally!?   
JAKE: I say were making blasted nuggling good progress if i’m even still here!!  
DIRK: Pff.  
JAKE: WHAT?!   
DIRK: Heheh.  
JAKE: DIRK ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF HOW I SPEAK???  
DIRK: Pfffgod, listen dude,  
JAKE: NO YOU LISTEN!!!  
JAKE: I AM TRYING TO GIVE US BOTH A ROUSING PEPTALK SPEECH!  
JAKE: YOU KNOW!!! SO WE CAN STAND A CHANCE IN HOLY MARY-SHITTING HEAVEN AT SAVING OUR RELATIONSHIP???  
JAKE: THE ONE YOU ALLEGEDLY CLAIM TO HAVE LUSTED AND PINED FOR FOR YEARS, AS DIVULGED BY YOUR AI’S CONFESSIONS??  
JAKE: You say youre always so worried i dont like you enough because youre a bloke but sheesh!!  
JAKE: Even NOW as im trying to bleed my heart onto your sleeve you’re still hiding shit and making pedantic quips at me!!   
DIRK: !  
JAKE: Is all this shit really so unimportant for you that you REALLY cant shut your trap for ONE MINUTE and listen to me speak???   
JAKE: You make fun of me for my expressive bravado but no matter how cool and detached you act about your silly bullshit its never ever cool enough to get you to SHUT UP!!!   
DIRK: …..  
JAKE: And i KNOW it really matters to you and i KNOW that im important for you ACADEMICALLY but   
JAKE: I wish before things escalated that high you’d given me the chance to fucking FEEL it!  
JAKE: I don’t know! A little more romance, a bit of insight into why i’m special to you, some glimmer of a shard of vulnerability!  
JAKE: But no! Dirk Strider the glorious prince charming or Dirk Strider the dissapointed silence or Dirk Strider the regular fucking best friend who makes jokes with me!  
JAKE: There’s just no overlap! You have so many brutally defined identities and all but one of them always keep me at arms length in SOME way or another  
JAKE: Even if its in this weird stoically sensual approach to romance kind of way where youre not even there to crack a joke at without feeling my boner speaking for me.   
DIRK: . . . . . . . . .  
JAKE: I just,  
JAKE: I dont feel like i KNOW you, thats all.  
JAKE: At least not in relation to me. Theres a ton of different versions of you but none of them line up into somebody who likes me.  
JAKE: As a friend at the same time than as a lover.   
JAKE: I wish my best friend dirk would just SAY that he likes me and smile at me and mean it.  
JAKE: Instead of putting on this elaborate mime porno theatre on for me to interpret every other minute.   
JAKE: I wish he would crack jokes with me or watch a movie or talk too much about some philosophy drivel and then not expect a verbal swordfight but just want to share a laugh about it  
JAKE: And then talk about my new project like its not a joke or my favorite movie like it isnt garbage.  
JAKE: Those spars are fun SOME of the time, even a lot! but its just all thats there and i dont know what you want from me.  
JAKE: So when i hear that what you DO want from me is so mindbogglingly INTENSE i just dont know how to handle it.  
DIRK: Huh.  
JAKE: What?  
DIRK: ...Nothing. Just that I’ve heard something like this before.  
DIRK: Jarringly similar, actually.  
JAKE: Huh??? From who???  
DIRK: That doesn’t matter.  
DIRK: Listen. I should go. I’m really fucking bad for you, and probably everybody.   
JAKE: What??? No!!!   
DIRK: Trust me, it’s--  
JAKE: Dude, it’s supposed to be your turn to trust ME!   


The silence floods in, deafening. He looks pained and miserable, he’s already getting up to leave, but something in your words holds him to you. Anchors him here, grants tension and endurance to the fraying strings between you and him. It was true. He’d been trying, he’d been succeeding (he had said I really hope I am what you what) and that was the only reason that night had gone as far as it did.

JAKE: I...i don’t want you to leave. I want you here.  
JAKE: We have a book to finish, remember?  
DIRK: …  
JAKE: I don’t know what i want you to say, exactly.  
JAKE: But i know i’d feel better if i just understood why you were so sweet on me.  
JAKE: I just want to know about your weird strider brain processes thats all.  
JAKE: To UNDERSTAND them, to have you explain it to me because you want me to know  
JAKE: Not just to be able to fashion a perfect mimicry.  
JAKE: Can you just TELL me that? Tell me how you feel about me?   
JAKE: You’ve basically said it anyway, it’s not like i’m fucking stupid.  
JAKE: I just want to HEAR it.  
DIRK: …  
DIRK: So,  
DIRK: You don’t want me to leave, you want me to…  
DIRK: Sweet talk you?   


You blush hard, flushing from your forehead to the bottom of your neck. Was that what you wanted? What you were asking for? Why did it have to sound so cliche and sexy? Something about it was shameful, maybe even humiliating, but it was also a kind of strained relief. To have gotten the point across, or part of it, at least.

JAKE: Well, you could sound a little less sexual about it.  
JAKE: I just wish you would just, jeez, be a little friendly at me? Tell me why you like me if thats even how you feel?   
DIRK: Um. Alright.  
DIRK: Well...I can try to do that. It is definitely how I feel.   
JAKE: U-um. Alright, then…? Flipping cockmunching gibbledangles this is embarassing.   
DIRK: Sorry about that, by the way.   
JAKE: About what??  
DIRK: Laughing at your corny old man sayings.  
DIRK: You’re right, obviously. It was a conversational reflex, but not exactly appropriate.  
DIRK: So. Sorry.   
JAKE: ...Oh. um, ok.   
JAKE: I wasnt really looking for an apology there or anything but, thanks???  
DIRK: Right. So, then…  
DIRK: What DO you want to hear about?  
JAKE: I’m starting to feel like this is some new form of friggin torture here, man.   
JAKE: Don’t make me keep saying it i’m so embarassed already.  
DIRK: ...Right. I guess you did say already.   
DIRK:So, you want to hear all the gross sappy details in my head about why I like you?  
DIRK: I should give you a warning man shit’s about to get diabetic as fuck.  
JAKE: Pff. I’ll believe it when i see it, buster.   
DIRK: Shh. You’re--  


He froze, mid-sentence. You took the opportunity to brace yourself for what was undoubtedly about to be Dirk saying the most perfect, unassailably awesome series of sweet things without any intonation or feeling behind them--because Dirk would execute anything flawlessly. 

But the floodgates didn’t open. He tried to start talking once again, no words came out. Sat up a little straighter. Tried again.

DIRK: You’re…  
DIRK: Shit. Why is this so hard all of a sudden?   
JAKE: Because i’m right and there’s nothing about me to actually like, by my estimation.   
DIRK: No, that isn’t fucking true!  
DIRK: Now who’s making things harder than they need to be to justify feeling sorry for himself?   
DIRK: For the first time in all of paradox space, I can say it isn’t me.  
JAKE: Maybe so but i still found the one subject dirk strider has no thoughts whatsoever about so i feel pretty satisfied drawing a conclusion that easy.   
JAKE: How can you claim to have such fond feelings for me when i’ve seen you extolling at length the virtues and pleasures of puppets and dudes who’ve been dead for centuries but i never hear why its nice to just watch a movie with me!   
JAKE: I even asked you to and you can’t! There’s nothing there! Just a lucky fall of the dice that ended up with me HAPPENING to be the guy you got stuck talking to for most of forever.  
JAKE: And ALLEGEDLY a nice enough ass for that to be a nice enough consolation prize to get stuck with!  
JAKE: But its never about what i have to say or who i am naturally and you come up blank completely when pressed on it. The conclusion is completely flipping obvious, mate.  
DIRK: I HAVE a lot to say on the subject, and you’ve literally heard me sleeptalk about it.  
DIRK: The problem isn’t whether there’s anything to say.  
JAKE: Well then what is it then bub????   
DIRK: It’s,   
DIRK: Fuck.  
DIRK: Whatever I want to say just sounds really embarrassing.  


Why did that call up a pirouette in your stomach? You dared a glance away from the shoreline and at Dirk. He was facing you instantly, though you know he’d been gazing out into the ocean as well. You’d wanted to sneak a glance at his face but his dumb glasses blocked off your vision of most of him. But there was still that red blush on his cheeks, a quiver on his lips you’d never seen before. This...really was getting to him. Your mind boggled at the thought.

JAKE: Dirk...can i, um.   
JAKE: Can i take off your glasses?  
DIRK: What? No way, dude. The shades are part of the deal, we’re a package.   
JAKE: Ugh yes and what a swell one you are but does it have to be ALL the time???  
JAKE: No it doesn’t actually because you SURE AS HELL weren’t wearing glasses the other night!  
JAKE: Which is exactly the problem why are you so fucking eager to get RAVISHED by me if you wont even trust me with seeing your eyes when we’re just talking!  
JAKE: Like jeez its just me here and you’re trying to own up to some romantic confessions, ALLEGEDLY.  
JAKE: What’s a guy gotta do to get his best friend to just open up a bit???   
DIRK: Ugh, fine. Fine. You’ve made your point, and my hypocrisy on the subject has been noted for future records.   
DIRK: Do your worst, English.   


He didn’t need to ask you twice. You were immediately twisting, both of your sand covered hands reaching up to him. You got the frames dirty with sand where you touched them, and he cared for them so well it made you feel bad. But if he minded much he didn’t voice it, and you didn’t have much room for guilt in you at the moment. Or anything, really. 

Dirk’s eyes two flashing, burning bands of orange, a fiercer sundown than the one surrounding you presently. He’s obviously not exactly at ease with this--his glasses hid most of it, but now you could see the flush of blood ravaging the surface of his skin. When his eyes meet yours he curls in on himself and has to look up at you, in a weird way. They bolt as suddenly as they meet yours and look off to the sea, to the sand, back to the treeline off to your right. Anywhere but back at the observer. 

A familiar liquid heat pooled in your gut and trickled lower. Gosh his eyes were pretty though.

DIRK: Fine. There you go. Are you happy now?   
JAKE: I am, actually. Heavens to betsy aren’t you a pretty thing.  
DIRK: !   


You felt yourself flush, bright heat on your face all over again. You’d just said that out loud, hadn’t you? Who knew what reaction you were expecting from Dirk, but it wasn’t this one: He coils like you smacked at him, you can see him practically bristle in response, but...not in anger, or annoyance, or condescension. It’s something different--a small grin forces it’s way onto his lips and he tries to fight it, it’s...happiness. And disbelief. Had you really done that much damage to his stoic defense with a few loose words? 

He curls up onto himself, looking back out onto the sea like he’s trying to gather his forces, lay a cease-fire to your verbal skirmish. Those hot burning coals in his eyes got taken away, and you were left with a sorry heart and afterimage. He grew silent and distant for a minute, but that image of him shaking and quivering under your compliment was pretty...woah. You find you could also use a minute.

DIRK: I really could write that essay, if you want me to.  
DIRK: It would be a lot easier than this.   
JAKE: I’ll think about it later i guess but i honestly don’t want to wait any longer, dirk.  
DIRK: Heh. Well I guess I HAVE to come out with it, if you pull out a chance to break with our garbage Skaian symbolism.   
JAKE: …  
DIRK: …  
DIRK: I’m not sure where to start.   
DIRK: There’s so many subcurrents of thought that tie into how I feel about you.   
DIRK: We haven’t jammed about this subject since before the game, so let’s start here:  
DIRK: How do you feel about God nowadays?  
JAKE: Um...i, don’t know?   
JAKE: I mean we ARE gods ourselves arent we? And theres all these godlike FORCES always pushing on us.  
JAKE: The horrorterrors and skaia are basically god and we’ve straight up met them more or less.   
JAKE: And KILLED a straight up godlike entity that essentially created all of us, right?   
JAKE: So what’s left to doubt or to wonder?   
DIRK: That’s fair. But I still do.  
DIRK: All of those entities were certainly God-like, but…  
DIRK: What I’m looking for all the time is an entity capable of handing down meaning.   
DIRK: Like, everything about our lives is such incredible bullshit.  
DIRK: But also like, cosmically fucking important or whatever?  
DIRK: And I can’t help but wonder WHY. What mechanisms decided all of this?  
JAKE: Ok but isnt that just more of your hyperintellectual sophristic drivel??  
JAKE: What in blue blazes does that have to do with me???  
DIRK: You’re my answer.   
JAKE: ??????  
DIRK: This stuff isn’t just a passive intellectual pursuit for me.   
DIRK: In a way, it is. But in another way, I need it.   
DIRK: I want to understand what the rules and purpose of my reality are, and I want to know how my identity should fit into it.   
DIRK: My inability to reach a conclusion on that front probably causes me more mental anguish than I’ve ever let slip to you.   
DIRK: There were plenty of times I struggled getting to sleep wondering if I would ever get out of that apartment, if this game we were supposed to play would even work, if I would succeed or fail all of you.   
DIRK: But the only nights I stayed up completely were the ones when I started to doubt whether any of it even mattered. If any of it was even real.   
DIRK: But you’re probably struggling to understand how that’s even a problem, aren’t you?  
JAKE: !  
JAKE: Um...jeez, yes actually, in a way.   
DIRK: That’s probably my favorite thing about you.   
DIRK: You don’t have room to doubt this stuff, or to question their merits. To you life and living are their own rewards, and what you can see is all you need to trust in.  
DIRK: But I’m not like that. The only thing I’ve ever been sure of is my particular perspective.  
DIRK: It’s not that I’m trying to keep being an asshole about your language when you’re trying to be honest.  
DIRK: It’s that being an asshole is just who I am, naturally, and it’s how I fight against the world constantly changing under my feet.   
DIRK: How I see things is who I am, basically.  
JAKE: Um...alright, but it doesn’t have to be that way dirk.  
DIRK: I know. And I know that because of you.   
DIRK: You don’t struggle with any of this shit. Instead you get to struggle with none of us being willing to let you see how we feel.  
DIRK: It’s so nice to just be around you because of that. You don’t have to seek out meaning because meaning is just something you create all around you easily.  
DIRK: Even if it’s in, like, a spectacularly shitty movie.   
DIRK: It’s so natural for you. So easy. And it’s so soothing to be exposed to that view, to just let myself be washed in your sincerity and optimism.  
DIRK: It might make you less critical of stuff than me, sure. But that doesn’t make you slow.  
DIRK: If anything, I always feel like I’m struggling just to keep up with what you’re capable of, how happy you can just make yourself be.   
DIRK: I always feel like you’ve figured out this deep underlying mystery, cracked the code of being at ease with the experience of existing.   
DIRK: When all your friends aren’t around to mess up your game with all their needy expectations, anyway.   
DIRK: I admire that about you. I envy it. And it makes me crave to know you think of me the same way. That there might be something in your eyes that finds me comforting and real for some reason.   
DIRK: I didn’t fall for you because you were the only dude available.   
DIRK: I figured out dudes were what I wanted because I was desperately trying to puzzle out how you made me feel so at peace.   
DIRK: It’s how you still make me feel. When things are going smoothly, at least.   
DIRK: Nobody else does that for me. Everyone has their unique soothing effect on my tortured psyche, I guess, but yours is the most potent and the most unique.   
DIRK: You give me...hope, as cliche as it is to say.  
DIRK: That maybe everything doesn’t have to last forever to be worthwhile.  
DIRK: That maybe just getting to exist and be with you is enough for life to be meaningful.   
JAKE: …  
DIRK: So that’s it. That’s how ridiculous it is for you to think you’re not good enough to measure up to my standards.   
DIRK: I was an ass during our session, and there were tons of expectations I had of you and me and us that we just didn’t live up to, I’ll admit it.  
DIRK: But none of that was why I want you.  
DIRK: I want you because you’re a goofy kid who just kind of naturally exudes existential consistency, and you’re better at changing and flowing than me, and you’re my best friend who’s fun to talk to. That’s pretty much it. I’m just sorry I didn’t do more to show it. The same way I’m sorry for not letting Jane and Roxy know how much they mean to me, I guess.   


Your lips were drying something awful, all of a sudden. You tried to lick them but all it did was force the taste of salt in. He’d curled up around himself, hiding his face in his blackened arms and between his legs, away from you. You were kind of following, you think. You thought about Acorn, the twists your book had been taking, the descent and despair written into every bit of it. It felt a ton heavier, all of a sudden. Was that really a sample of Strider’s true feelings?

Was it really a sample of what he said you could ease? 

He’s said all that in his stoic, regular monotone. But it wasn’t the strained awkward distance he put between you two whenever he was putting on a show of his romantic feelings. Instead it was just Dirk being Dirk, being your best friend, talking to you about something that mattered to him. It just so happened that something was you.

JAKE: And, when we…  
JAKE: When we did the didlly, that’s what you were thinking about?  
JAKE: That stuff? Not how...gross and unkempt I am, or how I’m not manly enough, or how bad my movies are?   
DIRK: No.  
DIRK: You’re blazing hot, and let’s be clear: You dominated the fuck out of me.   
DIRK: Which in stereotypical terms is pretty “manly”, so even if I was holding you to those bogus standards, which I’m not--you would have succeeded.   
DIRK: And no, like I said, I don’t think you’re dumb because of your movies.   
DIRK: But I wasn’t exactly giving myself a dissertation on how awesome it is that my best friend and existential bedrock is willing to fuck me into staying nailed to this plane of reality.   
DIRK: I wasn’t thinking much of anything. You wouldn’t let me. That’s kind of the point.  
JAKE: But i like all the existential nonsense you’re always prattling on about!   
JAKE: I don’t think it’s grim or depressing or sad i think its so cool and interesting…  
DIRK: Yes, because it just doesn’t have the power to undermine your perspective, somehow.  
DIRK: It doesn’t matter what devastating existential argument I lay down, you just squeeze right through it with a shrug and an “Oh well dirk you’ll figure it out someday but until then you’ve got me!!! Hurp durp blazoodingle fuckwaitress!!!”  
JAKE: Oh you know i don’t sound like that! Now you’re just being an assmower!  
DIRK: Well at this rate, hopefully by the next decade at least.   
JAKE: !!!   
JAKE: Damnit you and your flustering sexual bluntness.  
JAKE: How can you just SAY stuff like that so easily???   
DIRK: Why wouldn’t I? Sex is the simplest and easiest way to demonstrate affection and vulnerability.  
DIRK: It’s certainly a lot more efficient than...whatever this is.   
DIRK: It’s so much easier to say I want you inside me again than it is to awkwardly explain why I feel like I need it.   
JAKE: Aaaauugghhhhhhhh  
DIRK: Is that  
DIRK: Is that a pointy hat?  
JAKE: NO, THOSE ARE MY EYEBROWS RAISED IN ROMANTIC FRUSTRATION AND AGONY, AND A DISARMING BLUSH, AND MY CUTE BOWTIE!! WHICH YOU KNEW!!! YOU RECOGNIZED MY ADORABLE NEW EMOTICON IMMEDIATELY!  
DIRK: Fine, you got me. It is pretty cute, by the way.   


Now it was your turn to hide your face. God, you knew you’d asked, but there was just SO MUCH to it. Strider really was nothing if not intensity. 

He’d loosened up somehow, slid into the role of best friend instead of boyfriend you guessed as a way to make the confession easier. Nothing about this felt like romance or sex waiting to happen.

It felt like sitting with your best friend on the beach, comfortable and casual. It was...nice. Maybe even it was the tying knot you needed, you thought, venturing another glance at Dirk. Lingering. Staring at him. He was resting his chin on his forearms, getting black ink under his throat. Staring pointedly at the horizon, not at you. He’d kept his voice steady and dispassionate throughout all of it, and nice as it was you still kind of wished he’d just ease up on the control already. 

Still, Dirk was Dirk, you supposed. And this was a start, wasn’t it? You adjust yourself a little to get your hand out from under you, leaving his glasses on the sand between you. He jumps hard when your fingers brush him, both on the back by accident and on the shoulder purposefully. He doesn’t make any moves to remove your hand from his person, though, so that’s neat. His face doesn’t move an inch, but you catch it when the orange flash of his eye flicks to you. 

You couldn’t help but let the little grin take over your lips. All you’d had to do was ask, it looked like, and maybe you would learn well enough this time that if it happened again you’d remember to do so. Dirk was bright red and burning--you’d gotten too wrapped up in all this and he was looking at a nasty sunburn later. You never burned, so it made you feel a little guilty. 

And maybe you were still a little frustrated. Maybe you wish he’d just say the words “I like you” or something, just make things simple for a change. But you felt a stir of hope breezy and stronger inside of you. A smaller hope than this had gotten Dirk to open up this much, after all, and wasn’t that just amazing? Imagine what this one could do, your heart whispered, voice soft and compelling. 

Maybe you could make it up to him.  
Maybe you could get it out of him.

JAKE: So...you really liked all of that stuff we did?  
DIRK: Yes. God, yes, stop torturing me and making me say all this shit.  
JAKE: And you really want to do it again?  
DIRK: I’ll beg, if that’s what you want from me.   


That catches you off guard. Christ, it could never be a gentle thing with him! So blase about it, so casual, and the juxtaposition of it with him dressed like he stepped out of your most inappropriate fantasies, scruffed up and dirty like this, was almost too much all over again. You broke into a laugh and he sat up straighter, his eyes narrowed at you.

DIRK: What’s so funny?   
JAKE: Pffff i’m sorry dirk, it’s just all so hard to take seriously!!  
JAKE: I know you meant it and its sweet dont get me wrong but  
JAKE: All i asked was for a friendly indication you enjoyed yourself and you respond with this slick seductive sexual submission thing!  
JAKE: I knew you thought about sex alot and all but i wish you could just SAY you liked it without alll the fall-on-your-sword theatrics of it!  
DIRK: You’re being awful demanding today, Jake.   
JAKE: Haha sorry, i’m really not trying to be mean here honest.  
DIRK: It’s fine. I can take it.   
DIRK: I just don’t know what you want from me, as usual.   
JAKE: Oh come on dirk its really not a big deal and you gotta be able to laugh at yourself and admit when you’re being silly!  
JAKE: Like come on man what WAS all this? You obviously were dying to talk about it.  
JAKE: Why didnt you just ask me sooner?  
DIRK: I just. I didn’t want to pressure you, or rush you into stuff.  
JAKE: Uhuh. And then this whole messing up your clothes and working on machinery stuff was…  
DIRK: ...Me trying to create a scenario where you would want to bring it up yourself, I guess.  
DIRK: Or where I could at least get some indication of how you felt about it.  
DIRK: Fuck. You’re right, this is basically exactly what I did during our session.  
DIRK: Shit, Jake, I’m sorry.   
JAKE: No its ok i mean, you DID decide to bring it up eventually.  
JAKE: And i decided against running away as well so its not like we’re TOTALLY incorrigible.  
JAKE: It’s just such a ridiculously classic dirk thing.   
DIRK: ...Yeah, ok. I guess you have a point.   
JAKE: Aw come on theres no need to get washed out about it.  
JAKE: Isn’t this kinda fun? I know i think it is!   
DIRK: You do?  
JAKE: Yeah!!!  
DIRK: Haha. Well, in that case, fine I guess.  
DIRK: I’m ‘kinda’ having fun, too.   
JAKE: I’m gonna ask again, dirk.  
JAKE: You really want to do it again? No regrets or shames about it?   
DIRK: There’s none. I do.   


When did the air get so hot and tight between you? The admission was breathless but also simple. Friendly. Your arm around his shoulders, gently holding him like a pal about to drop some comforting wisdom on his good bro. But that wasn’t what you were doing, that wasn’t what this was turning into. You pulled him closer gently, knocked him off balance from his perch on the balls of his feet. 

He caught himself, but only with his hand on your thigh, and the point of contact made you hiss. You’re were suddenly painfully aware of the fabric holding you down painfully across the hips. Acorn laid on the sand up against your knuckles, forgotten. You made a point to captchalogue it absently--it’d be awful for it to get dirty, too.

JAKE: Can we just instate a policy of no superpowers this time?   
JAKE: I want it to be just. Normal. Regular. Just two chill guys doing fun friendly things!  
DIRK: Snrk. Alright. Whatever you want, bro.   


This time the easy way he submitted, the casual cool of his devotion sent a shiver down your spine, made you feel weak and strong all at once. The sun was starting to die in the sky by now but it was still bright enough to see his sharp eyes blaring past the orange, to catch the subtle upwards turn of his nervous grin. He could sound smooth but in your arms you could tell he was nearly shaking, vibrating with a desire and need kept under an incredibly short leash. 

That was quite enough talking for now, you decided, pushing yourself up into his arms and lips. He all but jumped at you but you guess you were ready for it because your free hand is already resting on his chest, holding him against the motor. He twisted towards you as best he could under it, his legs sprawled and awkward, his hands gripping onto your side and the arm pinning him in place. 

He tasted like sand and sweat, salty things. He tasted like metal and the ocean and small drops of oil that snuck onto his lips. His arms are black and soiled and they leave marks and imprints on you, it’s exciting, all the dirt and the tearing and the marking is primal somehow, intimate, lasting. 

You stumbled into him and rocked the motor behind you. Your hand slipped lower down on his bare skin, near a bare and hard nipple, and he whined a little into your mouth. Holy shit. That was Dirk, that was Dirk, all his walls come tumbling down the moment you pressed your skin to him. That was you doing that to him. 

Your tongues wrestled, first in your mouth, soon in his. He fought and he parried and weighed you down but you bested him for a moment and forced his tongue to be still. It got a gasp and a shudder out of him that turned into a yelp and a shaking when your thumb and forefinger finally closed over the nipple, gently squeezing and twisting. He craned his neck back and shivered, rolled backwards over the metal frame like it was the only chance he had of escaping.

You took your arm off his shoulders and shuffled onto your knees, one of his long legs caught between them. He wasn’t going anywhere. When your fingers curled around the button of his jeans he shouted into your mouth, a short high “Ah!” that was as much a surprise for you as it was for him. Incredibly enticing, you thought. And it was all you had time to think, actually, because then his hand pressed rough cloth over you in a kind but ruthless grip and oh god, oh _fuck_ that’s the friggin ticket. 

You collapsed against him, his bare shoulder against your clothed one, the oil on his chest ruining your white cotton shirt. All of a sudden breathing was a difficulty. But you wouldn’t let him best you here, won’t let him win, and your hand was steady enough to undo and unzip. He sighed and you pressed your advantage, twisting your arm between your crotch and his so that he had to let go of you, and in a smooth motion took hold of the fabric hiding him from you in big handfuls and practically JUMPED backwards, pulling him loose and wide in one fell swoop. 

Well, most of the way, at least. You landed on your ass with Dirk’s pants caught around his ankles, trapped behind his sneakers. Dammit, you should’ve thought of that. Only who cares? His knees were bent and raised and you can see more than just his dick, hard and swollen between them, though that was already plenty. 

He’d barely given it a nod last time, but now you noticed his mouth was pressed tight and he was flushed, vulnerable and exposed and raw. He made no move to hide himself, no effort to cover up much of anything, but you could tell he was fighting the urge to. His hands were gripping hard at the sand under his sides.

JAKE: Um. Wow…  
JAKE: You wish you could see the view from here. Wowza…  


You worked on getting his sneakers off as you kept talking, unbearing the last of his unexposed skin. You lapsed into focusing on the task completely for just a moment, right as you’d undone the straps on the second one completely, which was of course when he spoke up.

DIRK: Do I, actually?  
JAKE: Huh??  
DIRK: Wish I could see the view, I mean.   
JAKE: What??? Dirk stop being so mysterious, the blood’s kinda only flowing one way right now if you catch my drift.   
DIRK: Fuck. I guess what I’m asking is,  
DIRK: You actually like what you see?   
JAKE: Oh.   


He looked almost scared, now. Overwhelmed, maybe, by the raw reality of it. You knew the feeling, but you felt like you were drunk on it, like you couldn’t possibly have enough. You’d never thought you’d live to see the day Dirk turned out to act the part of the shy one. It might have pulsed in your mind like a thunderclap under different circumstances but right now your mind was firmly rooted in your dick. 

But that wasn’t quite right, was it? You’d rushed it, last time, aimed for the prize too quickly to understand you were claiming it. That had been the problem, hadn’t it? No. This needed a graceful touch. This needed restraint and patience.

JAKE: Dirk, jeez, of course dude  
JAKE: Have you looked at yourself lately???  
DIRK: I know, I guess…  


He sounded tired, not like sleepy but like he’d been running too fast and couldn’t breathe right. He sounded raspy and breathless, transparently needy.

DIRK: ...but it’s not exactly the same as hearing it, isn’t it? You should know.   
JAKE: Yeah, i suppose you’re right.   
JAKE: Listen dude, there’s not even any lube out here, and sand doesn’t feel too nice in this context--take it from me, i know from experience.   
JAKE: I know we both want to...you know.  
JAKE: But, maybe we could slow down a little bit? Do some other stuff, take our time?  
JAKE: I’ve never gotten to just...LOOK at you like this before.   
JAKE: I kind of just want to...keep doing that. If it’s quite alright with you.   
DIRK: God. When you look at me like that, how can I say no?   
JAKE: What???? Like at you like what???  
DIRK: Like a goddamn….puppy or something. You get this like big earnest look in your eyes like an anime hero, it’s ridiculous.   
DIRK: Whatever, that’s fine, we can do the best friends body exploration thing.  
DIRK: But are you really going to leave me out in the cold like this?  
JAKE: Huh???  
DIRK: Your clothes, Jake.   


O-oh. He wanted you to undress, also. Yes well. You suppose that stood to reason, you might even have expected it. But the idea that he might want to look at you as closely as you’d wanted to take him in felt unsettling and scary. Which...you suppose was exactly how he’d been feeling, like a bug pinned under your magnifying lens. You lick your lips and they’re not any less dry for it. 

Well. You were supposed to be all big on adventure, weren’t you? You answered in a language Dirk understood: action. Your jacket fell onto the sand in a pile, and he sat up higher to work on your shorts while you lifted and swung your shirt off of your skin. Your thick chest and stomach hair exposed, you couldn’t help but fight a nervous flip deep in your stomach.

JAKE: It really doesn’t bother you?   
DIRK: What?   
JAKE: Just...my body upkeep, i dunno, you’re always so perfectly clean-cut. I figured it was that it grossed you out.  
DIRK: Oh. No, it doesn’t, at all. I think it’s hot, actually.  
DIRK: I don’t think it’d suit me as well, but it’s just another way that you make living and being generally breathtaking look effortless.  
JAKE: Um...hopy shit, dirk :///S8 *loosens collar*  
DIRK: You’re not wearing a collar anymore, dude. Does it bother you?  
DIRK: That I keep myself hairless, I mean.  
JAKE: Oh, um. No, not really, i think you look good.  
JAKE: Fantastic to be clear about it. Though it does make me curious what it’d look like if you let it grow out… :O  
DIRK: I see. I’ll take it under consideration, then.  
DIRK: You ready for me to pull the monster free?  
JAKE: Oh! Um, yeah…  


A smooth twisting motion and your shorts and boxers were forced down to your knees.  
You were hard, so aching hard, and the warm salty breeze felt nice on your exposed skin. Your head spun. Dirk saying “I don’t think it’d suit me as well”, like the differences between you were advantages to him. Dirk saying “I’ll take it into consideration”, another casual admission that your fancies were valuable decision-making data for him. Dirk using “The Monster” to refer to your dick, friendly and encouraging, as much a joke as a compliment as an admission of desire. 

You should have expected the next step: Dirk leaning over, Dirk bending downwards a little more, his head just under your chest with you on your knees like this, his hand suddenly touching you--solid lightning--his tongue a sudden wet warmth poking into your foreskin. You shuddered and shouted and your hands latched onto his hair and his shoulder, squeezing and pulling, and Dirk answered with a pleased moan. 

You fell back and he chased you, your ass landed on your ankles and you tried to spread your legs wider but your stupid shorts betrayed you, trapped you under them. You swore under your breath and then swore far over it because Dirk’s hands closed over the sparse fur of your ass and thighs, held you in place, drew the tip of you in his mouth and used his lips to nudge you open. Fuck, you didn’t want to move, couldn’t actually, you just wished you could get your legs a little more open--

You forced and struggled and there was a loud, ugly rip and then your knees settled wide on the floor and you sighed with relief. Dirk paid no mind to it, just worked on sucking on you with his mouth like he was in the desert trying to squeeze a cactus for a drink. What the bloody hell kind of metaphor was that? The thought was chased off you with a whiplash when Dirk started quickly licking at your tip and you had to stifle a shrill, high-pitch squeal. 

It couldn’t stay like this. Dirk was getting the upper hand in your exploratory competition, and he was going to leave you in the dust if you don’t do something. He pulled you out from inside him and grinned up at you, transparent about his desire for praise now, confident in the certainty that he’d earned it. So unfair. So dadblastedly cool and competent. You wanted to find a way to wipe that smirk off his face, to find words of praise that would catch him off-guard, to surprise him. 

And then you caught how he was twisted slightly to the right, sitting awkwardly, sprawled and uncollected off to your side. The waves roared and rocked behind you as if they saw the move you were about to make before you did and loved it. 

You dropped sideways into the sand, kicking up a small cloud of the stuff, and before Dirk could react your hand sneaked in between his thighs, right over his balls, and simply cupped gently.  
You heard him gasp and tense immediately, your name half-spoken dying on his lips. That was fine, you were just getting started, you stroked and you rubbed gently at him and were rewarded with more desperate noises as you took hold of his cock with your other hand and drew him into your own lips. 

 

Dirk tasted like sand, a sheen of salt on savory meat. This was the first time you’ve gone this far, you realized with a sense of satisfaction, and you tried hard to keep your eyes open and map out the nuances and quirks of the geography of his skin. For once you weren’t scared, not hesitant, not worried about nuances or inconsistencies. This is you. This is Dirk. 

The same boy you’ve known forever, the one who made fun of your movies and speech patterns, the one who had moved heaven and earth to save you dozens of times, the one who spent much of his time using you to convince himself life was real. Bizarre, unapproachable, unfathomable Strider. Intense, frustrating, reassuringly competent Dirk. Your best friend, your knight--no, your Prince. 

Pliant and vulnerable now, shivering and shaking with your tongue playing his skin flute like this, the music of him pleasing and exciting. Submitting you whatever you asked of him with a grin, eager and receptive. You hadn’t asked him to wrestle yet, but you knew he would, and you knew even if he beat you it wouldn’t change a single thing. It’s such a relief to be sure you’re good enough. You hoped it would last but the thought was interrupted because it turns out Dirk didn’t, before you know it he’s shouting, then screaming, then thick fluid is filling your mouth with him. 

You blinked, surprised--this was incredibly sudden, you’d just been getting ready. But then with a shrug you grinned and eased into it, trying to be careful not to overwhelm him too much while you sucked and encouraged his seed out of him. He whimpered and whined, holding onto your cock like a lifeline but otherwise leaving it unattended. Looks like this one was absolutely your win. 

You held as much of it in your mouth as you could, but there was fucking lot of it. It swelled and overflowed and painted the top of your mouth, your cheek and chin. A new and intimate kind of dirty, and you loved it. You made sure not to swallow, forced yourself to sit up awkwardly and stare down at Dirk, propping himself up on his shoulder, breathing hoarse and heavy. 

He looked up at you, in the purple-gold light that tells you soon the night would break in earnest. In that light the orange shine of his eyes seemed almost supernaturally bright, like cat’s eyes, fireflies, fires trained on you with unbreakable intensity. Your swollen lips made it kind of hard for you to smile erotically at him, but you halfway managed you think.

Anyway, then you swallowed, and the way his eyes went wide and he whispered:

DIRK: Holy shit.  


Was all the encouragement for successful erotic grinning you needed. Your tongue licked at your lips instinctively, lapping up traces of him, and he couldn’t look away. He blushed and his lips quivered and he looked uncertain, embarrassed almost, and it was so fucking hot you could almost scream.

DIRK: Um, shit, sorry. I...haven’t been jacking off since that night, to be honest.   
DIRK: I was...pretty fucking primed.  
JAKE: Hahaha, i’m not complaining.  
JAKE: I’ve practically done nothing BUT jack off since we did that.  
JAKE: In between repairing important friendships and closing giant time loops i mean.   
JAKE: Why didnt you?  
DIRK: I--um, I just. I was worried you didn’t feel the way I did, which made it kind of weird to think about.  
DIRK: But I couldn’t think about anything else, either.   
JAKE: No bloody kidding it was pretty weird for me too to be honest.  
JAKE: But at least i could grit my teeth and do it.  
DIRK: ……  
JAKE: I like it.  
DIRK: Huh????  
JAKE: When you let me peek behind the curtain. Let me see you being less than perfect and flawless at everything you do.   
JAKE: I like that dirk a lot to be honest, and to think you were so worked up about all this but you couldn’t even GET OFF on it…  
JAKE: That’s kind of hot actually.  
DIRK: Jesus christ, you’re fucking filthy.  
JAKE: Yeah but you like that about me, don’t you?  
JAKE: That’s why you put on this whole bizarre oil show isn’t it? You CAN’T be enjoying having that stuff all over you. Not when you washed off my jizz so much quicker.  
DIRK: ...Oh. You figured that out?   
DIRK: Yeah, it’s. It’s pretty fucking gross to be honest. I was just kind of hoping it’d do the trick.   
JAKE: Well it did for what thats worth, i just wish you’d be less of a baby about a little liquid.  
JAKE: That HAD to be pretty romantic what i just did, wasn’t it???  
DIRK: That. Um. Yeah, actually. You got your point across.  
DIRK: Crystal clear, to be honest. So you totally owned me sexually, AND you saw through my plan completely. I think it’s fairly clear who the more competent boyfriend is.  
DIRK: Is there anything i can do to even out this prankster’s gambit? Keep some of my dignity intact, at least?   
JAKE: I dunno dirk, that’s not for me to answer.  
JAKE: Is there?   


If you knew anything about Dirk, it was that he’d never say no to a challenge. His eyes narrowed and scowled at you for teasing him with your victory. Victory. Victory. That you scored over Dirk? You could hardly believe it, but it was as true as anything, you could still taste it on your lips quite literally. But he growled and forced himself up on his arms and you knew with a delicious kind of fear that reckoning was coming, this hurricane of a boy set loose to imprint his intentions on you. 

 

 

You were expecting him to barrel you over onto your back but he doesn’t. Instead he grabbed hold of you by the hips, reared up onto his legs and flipped you over and around--good thing you’re generally floaty or even he probably would’ve hurt himself doing it. Either way you landed with a hard thud on the sand, your back up against this motor that had become your island. You kept your legs open to him as you wrapped your arms around it, nervous but brave, staring down a predator. 

From here you could see him, on hands and knees like he was prostrate before your legs ( _‘You’re my answer’ he says in your mind, so loud you think you’re hearing it_ ) and from over his back you could see the machinery and the wreckage, the taint on this place of yours, a twisting of innocence.

 

Well, you thought to yourself, maybe a little dirt on something pure wasn’t so terrible. Not if it led to Dirk flustered and thunderous and determined to please, looking up at you for once instead of the alternative. Funny how you were taller than him but he always made you feel smaller, more complacent, safe. Funny how now that you felt bigger all you wanted was for him to take you over entire. 

That’s all you could think before his head darted downwards and he slipped you efficiently into darkness and warmth. He was merciless, immediately you’re halfway encompassed and there’s a rough sucking pressure, you groan, his hands stroke your thigh and cup your nuts in them, you moan, his tongue is slick and fast and unpredictable, he’s moving so fast and so well he should be flashstepping and you--

JAKE: Aah!!   


Your orgasm was a trainwreck, a bomb, a sudden hopey thing bursting wide open and then wider and open and wider and-- 

You writhed and thrust upwards, Dirk’s hot wet mouth perfectly willing to take you in. You hadn’t expected that, thought he would stop you, but the back of his mouth simply gives and lets you into his throat entirely. Holy shit, you think, with a high straining noise building in the back of your own throat. You’re still cumming, it’s only been hours since the last time you relieved yourself but still it feels like there’s oceans of it, dear bespectacled fucking christ. 

You tried hesitantly to get in a little further, to hide in him a little more of yourself. Fought the pulsing wave of relief and pleasure. You felt the place where your dick turned to hip on his lips and your pubic hair tickling his nose and eyes and cheeks. You waited there, frozen like a statue. You couldn't even feel the awkwardness of the position tiring out your legs and stomach and knees. 

Then he gave a gentle suck and you shouted. He started to pull you out while being as careful as he could be not to let slip any of your seed. You endured the drawn out torture of it, the way his tongue stopped and methodically caught streams that start to trickle, as he gave you a few more sucks, more teasing than utility. Your breath heaved and bobbed rapidly as you made a low, harsh noise in your chest. 

When you came out with a pop his mouth shut hard but there was still some white seeping down onto his chin, and you collapsed onto the sand in a used-up pile. Your brain spun dizzy, you tried to focus on him but you couldn’t, you didn’t want to miss the image of him swallowing, you didn’t want to miss--

His lips met yours and when you opened he answered with wet salt flooding, making sure you know what he was tasting intimately. More trickles, drops landing on your chest from both of you. You’re just starting to swallow out of reflex but he sucks it all out and denies you with a grin. He swallows it and licks his lips like it was nothing.

JAKE: Woah…  
DIRK: Yeah, no kidding.   


He dropped down next to you and you scooted over to give him motor room. No more kissing, no handholding, no “I love you”s formalities. Just your best friend, tired and heavy, needing a moment to breathe after what he did to you. What you did to him. What you did together? 

You thought you could use a shower.  
As long as he opted to come with.


	2. Elephant Gun (Sweet Dreams, Timaeus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :^)

JAKE: No, i don’t care what you say, smurfs is marvelous and you just cant see quality where it hits you in the face!!  
DIRK: Spoken like a true critic, bro. That’s a real insightful counterpoint you got there.  
JAKE: Look, i'm sorry, but smurfs is an absolute pinnacle of cinema, and smurfette is a very deep and interesting gal once you take the time to give her some thought!!  
DIRK: And I’m sure that’s ALL you want to give her, right?  
JAKE: Well i sure don’t know what you’re implying dirk but no it’s not, i would ALSO like to give her a fabulous date and a kiss on the cheek!! See what you think about THAT, mister!   
DIRK: Sounds pretty cute. It’s enough to make a girl jealous.   


_It was awkward to walk with this tear in your shorts, but you sure as hell weren’t going to walk all the way back home without knickers. Your shirt was dirty and wet with oil and you were pretty sure you’d have to alchemize a new jacket, but if you’d taken damage then Dirk had been ruined. His tight white shirt was ripped in at least three places, and there was black oil all over his arms and upper body. His sleek black jeans were inked, too, but at least the stains didn’t show too badly._

_Your banter was irritable and rowdy, but there was no edge to it. It was just empty babble filling in the silence as you enjoyed each other’s company wandering through your trees. It was also quite platonic, mutual teasing notwithstanding. You’d never done anything quite like this--paired your usual back and forth with the act of wandering and exploring for a purpose together. Your raids and expeditions on LOTAK and LOMAX had always been quiet and deadly serious, and half the time you’d had gas masks on anyway._

_This was new and pleasing, and you felt a little bad about wanting to hurry you both out of it. But Dirk was clearly antsy, too, as nervous about what was coming as he was eager to get the grime off. You hadn’t expected him to blush as hard as he did when you casually suggested he shower at your place, but you supposed it made sense. The man had always been immensely fond of his showers, and it had been a bright thrill in your heart when he’d consented to share that secret side of himself with you. Even now, just half an hour after your first blowjob (and what a blowjob it had been), the thought brought a hard affirming response from your underpants._

_As if in answer, suddenly, your orb broke through the treeline, coming into view. You grinned at the sight of it--home sweet home, and today for the first time you really wanted to share it with him. You hopped up to a rock by the hill’s breaking point that was just like you remembered it, when you turned he was already leaning forwards onto it, his leg raised and bent, his forearms resting on the top of his jeans as if he was doing a casual stretch. A tiny smile played on his lips, a sight that made your heart soar even if it was dampened by his clear discomfort with the grime and dirt on his body._

_Your lips dried out, sour salt lingering on your tongue. The taste of him. It was complex and grown up and difficult but it was delicious, you thought. He looked so easy and happy right now, if with a kind of nervous air about it that you understood instinctively. You felt it too. Something had clicked, some mysterious tomb puzzle had latched open and yawned into a path to deeper layers._

_Suddenly, for the first time, you felt sure about this. Sure about Dirk beside you like this, sure his desire was what you wanted. You raise your arm and smack your hand flat against his shoulder, gripping strong and shaking, and he responds with a tiny huge jump and a precious distant smile, as if he could hide how much he liked it, as if he wasn’t as good as see-through right now._

_You pull on him as you make a soft floaty jump into the air, flying slightly and pulling his floating body along like a plush doll. He twists in midair cooly and twists you so he lands first and you follow, a sweet trick if you ever saw one. He was showing off and you knew it but that was fine, the man could puff up some if he wanted after he blew you like THAT._

_But you still took a quick jump ahead and took the side closer into the entrance of your house. You wanted to let him inside, not let him barge in._

JAKE: Well, here we are!   
JAKE: What do you think?   
DIRK: Fairly impressive. It’s got a nice ancient crypt vibe going on.  
DIRK: I can see why you’d be attracted to the mold and shit.   
JAKE: Oh har har, strider!   
DIRK: Hey, I was being nice, I mostly meant it.  
DIRK: But maybe I’ll find more praise in me when I don’t feel like I’m gunking the place up.   
DIRK: Your, uh. Your offer still stands, right?  
JAKE: Offer? Huh, i kind of thought you would find it more an indulgence…  
DIRK: Um. What?   
JAKE: That’s awfully slow of you, strider. You know exactly what i mean.  
JAKE: I always figured it’d be a burden! You always loved your showers so much.   
JAKE: I thought you’d hate the idea of me intruding on them.   
DIRK: Wait. You’ve, um.   
DIRK: Thought about this?   
JAKE: Oh, come on, of course, dirk!   
JAKE: I think about stuff we could do all the time, that’s what any growing lad would do.  
JAKE: Harboring fantasies about your best friends is hardly a crime nor a surprise!   
DIRK: Friends. So. Me AND the girls?   
JAKE: U-um. Yes…? I mean i guess come to think of it for you that would be fairly odd.   


Something in his voice draws a shiver out of you. The casual admission that you’d been on his mind this way for years is is still a surprise to you, a sudden pressure to the muscles in you that had long been clenched tight--an old fear, that he would simply turn out to be incompatible with you. The even more understated admission that he understands this about you now, that he knows like fact like trees and light and rain that he’s owned you completely since you met, is too much for you to know what to do with. 

For the first time in ages you notice he’s taller than you, and your breath catches in your throat. He’s leading you by the hand in through his door and veering quickly to the left down a small hall. He opens the grey door there and it’s incredible, amazing.  
Jake’s bathroom is some kind of hyperfuturistic sealing room that is pristine white and expansive. The door clanks shut behind you, locking the door extremely away. Dead quiet here. Impeccably clean. Impossibly well-maintained. 

Your own shower had been a bit like this, but only enough that you were floored by how schooled your Bro had been on tech. Jake’s grandmother must’ve been a monster, a true sorceress, and you had a deep new gratitude for Jade and her sincere furry scientist ways. She must’ve known Jake would be the type to need the extra help keeping clean. Or maybe she was just looking to make your entire life? Either way, thanks, grandma. 

He doesn’t waste time, digging his palms into your shirt, his moist palms running salt further down your pants in a way that’s unpleasant. It’s hard to care too much, though, because this is Jake forcing his fingers greedily onto your skin, taking roughly the layers off you, wanting you naked and bare. You’re only too happy to comply with that command.

Your shirt came off wet and ragged, embarrassingly sweaty in the wake of your wrestling in the heat and sand. He spins you around and yanks your jeans and boxers down and you don’t stop him at all. He forces you to lean on his shoulder as he pulls out first one leg, then the other, making sure to pull you away when you move against the wall. 

When you’re bare and standing in front of him again he’s grinning slyly because he wants you to know exactly what he did. This is the second time you’ve felt like where sex is involved his natural instinct, usually just barely at pace with your intellectual deconstruction, starts to outpace you by quite a bit. He thinks too fast to follow and surprises too much to predict. 

It’s a feeling he’d given you before but not like this, not so powerfully. These are the moments you realize all your frameworks and structure are unnecessary, that you don’t need to understand the universe all that bad so long as he stays by your side. Like he’s the answer to the ultimate riddle. The alpha and the omega. Something miraculous and eternal. Something that shines. 

You messed up somehow. You lost yourself in thought for too long, and Jake’s eyebrow is raised at you, sardonic and expectant. He reaches down casually and grabs hold of your dick in his strong hand. You hiss and bend around it, and his pout turns into a dangerous sort of grin.

JAKE: Dirk, you’re thinking too much.   
DIRK: What? No, I’m fine.   
JAKE: Come on, we’re here to have fun, not existential ecstasies.  
DIRK: You don’t know what you’re talking about, I could have been thinking about anything.   
JAKE: You flatter yourself, bro. Intellectual self-stimulus is practically all you ever do.  
JAKE: Just let me be the stimulus for a while, alright?   


He’s trying for complaining, but it comes out like an order and you shiver. It occurs to you that Jake is something gluttonous and ravenous, that he’d have the three of you at once if you let him and ask for seconds on top of that. You think about his fantasies about you, the texture of his wanting, and you think you wouldn’t mind that at all. If anyone could make you believe in such an arrangement, Jake could--he could do anything. 

There’s an awe in you now at his power, how easily he dominates now that he knows it’s welcome, easy and confident and unaware he’s doing it. Effortless. You understand the magic people of old recognized as divine right, suddenly--Jake is a born king. Your king. The kind of king that needs to be built up, sure--but also the kind of king leaves legends behind. 

Your king, laying claim, holding your eyes with his with a grin as he undressed himself in frivolous bounces and hard movements. When his cock comes into view, dark and hairy, you give a soft dry sigh. He chuckles under his breath.

JAKE: Jeepers, dirk, are you really this worked up already?  
JAKE: Is this some kind of fantasy for you or something?? Its just a flipping shower.  
DIRK: Um….yeah, actually.  
DIRK: It kind of is.   
JAKE: Oh fiddlesticks, seriously…?  
DIRK: Yeah.  
JAKE: Oh wow heavenly fucking christmanglers….  
DIRK: Lol.  
JAKE: So uh, ok, alright then that’s cool...  
JAKE: So what happens next in this fantasy of yours?  
DIRK: You do whatever you want.   


That hits him like a blow to the stomach, makes him turn away and breathe, makes the fist curled around your dick twitch up and down, making you hiss. When he turns back to you his cock is staring right up at your head and his eyes are dilated. You think about Jake looking at the girls with that same energy, overlay it with the fact of his choosing you instead, hold the twin visions in your head and let them crush your reasoning, your ability to believe life could be bad ever. 

He steps closer to you and kisses you, you hear him snap his fingers hard and loud over his head, and perfect temperature water floods at you from the roof and the wall’s sizes, a warm flowing river that was apparently designed to keep your faces clear and free of water, a controlled breeze keeping the droplets from streaming across your eyes. 

This...this is a fucking wonder. Jake English, you mean. Though also the shower. 

He grabs hold of your wrist and wraps your fingers around him. You notice he’s a little taller than you when he has to gasp and bend down against your shoulder, hoarsely voicing your name against the coil of muscle. He recovers and bends his face into your neck, plants long kisses there while you hold him and he holds you, weighs you down enough to make sure you’ll stay perfectly in place.

JAKE: You, uh...you mind stroking me off, buddy?   


Buddy. You shake down to your heels under the hesitance and the power of his request, comply and are rewarded with him bending down and up into your grip and pleased groaning. Still navigating this distance, still thinking of you as his best friend the know it all and unflappable. Not quite yet realizing you were his to do with as he wanted, been that way since you laid eyes on him. But he was growing into the language, awkward and dorky though it continued to be. 

Was this actually happening? You were losing the edge you’d held in your friendship, you realized. Some fundamental shift in power was occurring, he was gaining the upper hand and keeping it. Replacing the fraying footholds of logic with the unyielding, comforting ground of his faith. You couldn’t say you minded. It was hard to believe you could be this lucky, actually. 

Before you knew it he lunged into you, moving you firmly but gently up against the wall. The wall extended and grew out to receive you, the white material of it surprisngly comfortable. Well god fucking damn, if that wasn’t the hottest thing about the future. A shower with magic supercomfort beds. Was this some sort of kinky shit? This HAD to be some sort of kinky shit, you considered, but Jake noticed and slammed your thoughts out of you with two jesting yanks.

JAKE: Hehehe wowza dude you’re awful out of sorts, huh?  
DIRK: U-um. Yeah, actually. Jake...jesus shit, this bathroom is cool.  
DIRK: Why didn’t you ever mention it? I didn’t even notice what was going on last time I used it, I was so delirious from that rad getting nailed.  
JAKE: Ummm is it? I kinda figured your shower was like this too but come to think of it i never DID see it. But you never showed me your bathroom so how can you blame me for not having known!  
DIRK: Well, now I kinda wish I had. If I’d been able to learn about the technology behind this thing….  
DIRK: Jesus. Your grandma was really something else.   
JAKE: Aw so you’re saying its just the bathroom? Here i was hoping i had something to do with it :(8  
DIRK: It’s not just the bathroom, Jake. I gotta be honest, my mind’s kind of blown right now.  
DIRK: You sure know how to show a girl a good time.   
JAKE: Haha well good, so long as you stop whining as much.  
JAKE: You mentioned being delirious, though? I found that subject matter a lot more interesting.   


Is that ever going to get old, or at least comfortably usual? The smile in his eyes and the wide spread of his shoulders with his hands resting idly on your skin, the friendly quality of his interest in getting under your skin making you feel like you were on fire even as he let go of your cock and bent over you, took your one arm and started working and rubbing the oil off it. 

Oh, god. Jake English was helping you wash off, Jake English was casual and careless but who cared? Who could give a shit about thoroughness in this warm soapy water, in Jake’s strong and goofy arms?

JAKE: Well? I’m waiting, bro. Don’t make me stop just to hear what you have to say.   


Did he realize he was doing that? Issuing orders and threats? It was starting to worry him, how non-vocal you were, you realized. Maybe it should be worrying you, too, except that you didn’t want much of anything except for him to take over again, to make you feel completely that he wanted you until you believed. Would it ever fucking stick? Would you ever be sated? 

In any case, you feel like there’s something you should be saying something.

DIRK: Are you sure you want me to talk about that?  
JAKE: Yes, dirk, jeez! I asked!  
JAKE: Could you TRY not making everything sound deadly serious and foreboding?   
JAKE: We know how the other feels by now, surely! Nothing’s going to change that.  
JAKE: Why can’t we just make a fun game of letting each other in our heads? Why do you have to treat it like it’s so scary all the time?   
DIRK: It is scary. To me, at least.   
DIRK: I’m...dangerous to you. I hurt you by being too intense, by baring too much too quickly.   
DIRK: I don’t want to do that again.   
JAKE: Yes well its not like you’re special in that respect. I hurt you plenty too.  
JAKE: By virtue of my own intensities, no less!   
JAKE: How long did you spend worrying and stressing i didnt want this, because i was so vocal about what i DID want that was different?   
JAKE: Not that i like girls any less than i ever have its just, looking back its kind of obvious it worried you.   
JAKE: Unless that was presumption on my part, i suppose...but i don’t think it was.  


Your stomach clenches. So he saw through you that completely. Well, it’s not like it would be a hard deduction to make, and moments like these were when English was at his sharpest. The side of him that sprinted ahead of all your complicated logic loops and waited for you at the finish line without breaking a sweat. He smiles and leans further over, your arms are clean now finally, he curls his chest over yours and presses a kiss to your neck and you whine against him. He asks again.

JAKE: Was it, dirk? Was that presumptuous?   


He’s waiting.

DIRK: N..no. No, it wasn’t.   
JAKE: I always thought so. Could never be sure, though, so it’s nice to hear it.   


Bullshit. He knew completely, he’d been sure of it utterly. He was just too nice and polite to own it without having it be given to him. He plants another kiss on your chin, his hands rub water into your shoulder, your side.

JAKE: I do want this, however. I want you.   


He speaks it like a spell or a password, directly into your lips, the soft hissing of the water and cleaning solution washing over you from every direction, a superposition of sensation of a decidedly less visceral sense than Jake was capable of. You moan into his mouth, a paladin waiting nervously for the blessing of his lord.

JAKE: You know, i never really jack off thinking about just girls anymore?  
JAKE: It’s always a couple more people than that.  
JAKE: That was always pretty often for me, to be honest, it’s just now there’s a constant.  
JAKE: Wanna know what it is, dirk?  


He kisses your neck again, his left hand traveling down from your chest, his right hand dug deep into your hair, he’s exposing you, weak and vulnerable, he’s playing on and killing one of your deepest fears. Guaranteeing to you that you matter to him. Laying down a promise. Presenting corroborating data, hard evidence.

JAKE: It’s you.   
JAKE: You watching me, rooting me onwards.  
JAKE: Or watching you work your magic on somebody that’s not me.  
JAKE: Or us doing whatever, just on our lonesome.  
JAKE: It doesn’t matter. You being there to approve or to touch me, that always makes it better.  
JAKE: Nothing’s ever better than you and me as a team.   


His hand closes around your cock and pulls it open and you squirm under him and try to stifle a scream. Whatever gets done to this water, it’s an excellent lubricant. For the first time you can see why Jake has such fond memories of home. God. Maybe you can get him to let you move into the bathroom if you promise not to bother him. 

He strokes you off slowly, your belly heaving, your mouth sighing. He’s teasing you, the bastard. Now, more than ever, you’re his.

JAKE: What do you think about that, hmm old chum?   
DIRK: I think  
DIRK: I’m not really capable of thought right now, holy shit  
JAKE: Aw come on, what’s a guy gotta do to hear what you think of my nerve-wracking confession? :(8  
JAKE: I can back off if you need to collect yourself, bro.   
DIRK: No, shit. Don’t do that.   
DIRK: Look, I think, if you’re already thinking about having threesomes we’re gonna have to slow down on that, cause I’m sure as hell not ready for it.   
DIRK: But also, I’ll do basically anything right now, so sure, that’s hot, whatever makes you smile.  
DIRK: And it’s, it’s nice to know you thought of me that way all this time.   
DIRK: You’re right, I did fuck myself up a lot wondering.   
DIRK: Thank you.   
JAKE: There, see dirk! That wasn’t so hard now was it.  
JAKE: A little honesty never killed anyone.   
JAKE: Tell you what, tell me what you want to do now.  
JAKE: Let’s just go for it! It’ll be a fun adventure, just you and me.  
JAKE: Whaddaya wanna get up to?   
DIRK: I...I want,  
DIRK: I want you to fuck me again.  


That’s all you’ve got, the blushing in your face is too intense and you have to hide your eyes under your forearm. Jake jumps a little, you don’t need to look at him to know he’s surprised. 

JAKE: Huh. Really? I thought for sure you’d…  
DIRK: Going back on your word? You said whatever I wanted.   
JAKE: And i meant it! I’ll give it to you good if thats what you’re really after, don’t you worry.  


You try to ignore how embarrassing it is that the stupid way he worded that was so fucking hot to you, but there’s a slightly smirk on his face and you know he did it with an amateur’s sense of irony to dig at you. Fuck. How could he simultaneously be so earnest and so fucking good at owning you?

JAKE: I just thought, given the chance you’d jump to try and…  
JAKE: Oh, i dunno, switch roles…?   
DIRK: Nope. Turns out I’m happy as a clam right where I was last time.   
DIRK: I thought you said you weren’t ready to bottom, anyway?  
JAKE: Y-yeah and that’s true but i still figured it’d be, like…  
DIRK: An adventure?  
JAKE: Heheh, um. *Holds one arm under head like a dashing but chagrined asian protagonist*  
DIRK: I’d probably rather we wait on that until you’re ready.   
DIRK: It’s kind of a big deal.   
JAKE: Um...haha, alright…  
JAKE: …...um, dirk, you….  
JAKE: You practiced this stuff, didn’t you? On your own, i mean.  
DIRK: Um. Yeah. What tipped you off?  
JAKE: The way you, um. Well i just wasnt expecting you to let me in quite so deep, earlier...on the beach.   
JAKE: And i was so rough and quick about it the first time we did it i was worried i’d hurt you badly, but you seemed totally fine.  
DIRK: Oh.   
DIRK: …  
DIRK: I wasn’t TOTALLY fine, just.  
DIRK: …  
JAKE: So you, like… before we even started dating, did you....  
DIRK: God. Fine, is that what you want to hear?  
DIRK: I used to fantasize about it. You being inside me, whatever way you wanted to.   
DIRK: I got off on it and practiced at it, I guess out of a weird hope that…  
JAKE: o:  
DIRK: ...Anyway, you got me. Sorry.   
DIRK: I didn’t mean to make our friendship years really fucked up and awkward.   
JAKE: I don’t think they’re either of those things, dirk, stop putting words in my mouth.   
JAKE: I just didnt really know for sure.  
JAKE: Like i said i’ve harbored plenty of fantasies about you, you just put a lot more research into it all.   
JAKE: That’s nice about you.   
DIRK: Is it?  
JAKE: Sure! I can just count on you to have things figured out in their intricacies, in general.   
JAKE: It makes me feel safe and taken care of.  
JAKE: It only really gets uncomfortable when i start feeling like i can’t pull my weight at all.   
DIRK: ...Hm.  
JAKE: Later you can give me some pointers i guess.  
JAKE: But to be honest the idea that you put so much work and time into just getting ready for this is...pretty hot.   
JAKE: You’re sure, then? I can’t help but feel i’m almost too lucky.  
DIRK: That’s just that you don’t know what you’re missing, English.   
JAKE: Hahaha. Well, strider. If you want it so bad, who am i to refuse?   


It’s like the confession energizes him, but that’s an illusion. This Jake has always been there, hidden under the self-doubt and second guesses, the layers of perceived skill and confidence between you. He grabs you by your thighs and pulls you up and higher, opens your legs like they belong to him (they do), exposes your vulnerabilities like they exist for him (they do), touches you gently but with certainty, like he knows this is right, like he knows you just want him to take what he wants from you.  
(You do.) 

Jake nearly seems to be glowing, something about him exponential and iterated many times, overlaid onto himself. He shivers and gasps it down and the impression is gone, he’s just Jake again, just your best friend, just one of the loves of your life. He grins and chuckles at you as he straddles you and bends, raises himself into position, before taking hold of your wrist and moving it back onto his hard length, his eyes crinkling and face turning heavensward when you touch him.

JAKE: Care to do the honors, dirk?  


You don’t, at all, but you do it anyway--anything to hurry him up. Thank god for whatever the hell this liquid was, seemingly the perfect mix to both clean and lubricate, impossibly rad. He’d been showering in this stuff all his life? No wonder he loved his orb so much. 

He turns into a force pressing against your ass, slowly, gently…

You protest when he moves your hand away, because god you love how he feels under your touch. Then he applies pressure of his own, pressing his chest and stomach against your legs thrown over his shoulders, the hair on him tickling you, and he’s making his way deeper inside you and suddenly you don’t care about anything anymore. 

You curl sideways and hide your face, try and stifle the whining moan coming out of you. You fail miserably, Jake suddenly intruding into you, stretching and pulling you open for him, hot and hard and wet inside you, stretching your voice up higher and louder along with him. His arm curls around yours and pulls it away from your face, and you can feel yourself flushed hard and mortified. 

When you look up, all you see is Jake. He’s blotting out your view of the whole room, the whole world, and he’s staring straight at you. Something in his eyes lets you know he doesn’t want you looking away, so you don’t. He grins and chuckles and his eyes burn and flare, twin emerald suns. 

He’s slow and hesitant about it, takes his time. He never takes his eyes off yours, eager and confident but also careful and curious. His hands locked over your wrists, your legs locked around his torso, there’s no way to hide your response to everything he’s doing to you. You try to turn away, but you can’t break contact with his eyes as he slowly, too slowly works his way into you.

JAKE: This is nice, huh?  
JAKE: I’m not hurting you, am i?   
DIRK: N-no. This is...fuck, oh my god.   
DIRK: This is fine, Jake. You’re doing awesome--shit! Ah,  
JAKE: Wow man it is so flipping nice hearing that from you.  
JAKE: You know you imagine things sometimes, get all sorts of ideas of how stuffs supposed to be or how people feel about you.  
DIRK: Nf, oh god--Yeah, um, Jake, that’s really-AH!  
JAKE: But whenever you do that you’re kind of bound to get a lot of the details wrong? Like i always sort of figured you’d think you were too cool for...this.  
DIRK: Ah, jeez, Jake, I’m--  
JAKE: This is better though. I’m really glad i was wrong about that to be honest, this is air fucking tight wonderful, oh jeez…  
DIRK: Nnngh, ah...ah...hah...christ,  
JAKE: Oh. Looks like i’m all the way in, huh.   
DIRK: That...yep. That sure seems to be what you’re doing, right now. DIRK: That is to say, me.   
JAKE: Y-yeah. That does seem to be the operative word right now, huh.  
JAKE: You don’t think this is...too fast, or anything?   
DIRK: Only if it is for you. We can do something else if you want.   
DIRK: But I will add that you’ve asked me that about five times. If you ask again, I’m forfeiting any more sex for a while.   
JAKE: A-alright, jeez! You don’t have to be such an extremist, i’m just trying to be caring…  
DIRK: Well, I appreciate it. But I’ve gotta try and take care of you, too. No hard feelings.  
JAKE: Oh alright, fair enough then…  
JAKE: ...So. You like this?  
DIRK: Christ, jake, yes, what do i--  
JAKE: Drop the sarcasm, dirk, just tell me so. I like hearing it.  
JAKE: You like this?  
DIRK: …  
JAKE: Stop trying to look away like that, look at me.   
JAKE: You like this?  


Staring into Jake’s eyes is too much like this, too much with him inside you. He’s so careful. Even now something in his eyes is certain that he’s safe with you, that you’ll take care of everything, keep the monsters all at bay. Even when you’re helpless and weak under him, or maybe because you can be. And now on top of that here he was trying to make you say it, to spell it out for him like a gift. So greedy. So selfish. 

It’s the perfect level of humidity and water here, you feel clean and fresh and new, but your throat and mouth are still dry when you respond and he answers with a breathless little grin.

DIRK: Yes.   
DIRK: Yes, I do.  
JAKE: God that’s so endlessly flipping awesome.   
JAKE: Can i...go faster?  
DIRK: Yeah, Jake. Please...please--oh, AH--  


Jake tears your words out of you wholesale, pulling himself out of you in a brusque motion. He gives a little laugh at the relief and the pleasure, but you don’t have time to do more than exhale before he slides back in and forces another shout from you, Jake making a high and loose sort of grunting sound that suited him, you think. 

When he sinks into you to his base he lets the impact roll him over and lets go of your arms, holds you down with his chest and curls his arms under you, cradling your neck against his, making himself into an impromptu head rest. He leaves the work of keeping yourself lifted comfortably up to you, but you don’t mind--facilitating Jake’s fantasies is quickly turning into something you excel at. 

He’s gasping, his breath high and shallow in your ear. You’re both so clean you may as well sparkle, except of course for the shameless filth of his pleasure, unrestrained and animal.  
He makes no effort to hide it, wants you to know how excited he is. You feel slick and wet and warm all over, and every time he rolls open inside you and slams the rest of his girth in with pure friction it makes you howl into the dark hair around his ears. 

One of your hands lands on his hairy chest, pushing or pulling for support-- you can’t tell which,-- but he reacts to the touch like a whipcrack and turns his eyes to meet you immediately. Again you find you can’t look away, that you’re chained to his will as sure as shackles. It’s nice, to give up that kind of power. Whatever he sees in your eyes, it doesn’t deter him--he kisses you hard and forces his tongue into your mouth, strong and loving. 

When he pulls away there’s a wild, dazzling grin on his lips. He speeds up, the rocking of his crotch into you turning into slamming that lets out sharp claps. You moan and yelp under him, but when he loosens his one arm out from under you and takes hold of your cock again your voice opens into an openly needy, pitiful scream.

DIRK: aaAAAG, JAKE! FUCKING GOD!   
JAKE: That does--*huff*--does seem to indicate enjoyment, i think.  
JAKE: Wish i had a little more--fuck! Ah,- a little more verbal confirmation, however.  
DIRK: No, dude, just--Ah!--come on, please…  
JAKE: No? Is that a request to stop? I can stop if that’s what you want, dirk…   
DIRK: NO! JUST--AAah! Aah! Ah! Ah!  
JAKE: Tell me what you do want, then, mate. Make it easy on me for once, that sounds like evergreen friggin heavens.  
JAKE: No inscrutable strider riddles this time, just tell me what you want, or i’ll stop. How’s that game for you?  
DIRK: Aaah, aaah, jake…  


He’s settles into a brisk but comfortable pace, sliding in and out of you almost casually, just slowly enough that you can barely manage to keep up conversation. God, he’s big, and the feeling is overwhelming every time he forces himself into you. Sometimes he brushes against a particular spot that gets you seeing stars and makes you woozy--not often, but as fast and eager as he is, often enough. 

But he missteps, moves his palm across you just a little too quickly, and suddenly you’re writhing under him, trying to force him deeper in you while you cum in his hand, throbbing and spilling white jizz all over both of you. He groans in exasperation and annoyance as soon as he notices the cause of your new hollering.

JAKE: Aw, man, you came already??? 8D:  
JAKE: I didn’t mean to take things THAT far just yet...damnit, sorry dude, i guess i’m still getting the hang of this :(  
JAKE: I...i guess i’ll pull out, hang on just, give me a second…  
DIRK: J...jake,  
DIRK: Stop...just...give me...a second, cant...breathe right  
JAKE: Um….woah. If my glasses weren’t soaked and also on the floor they’d be getting pretty steamy right about now!  
DIRK: What...are you doing.   
JAKE: Huh??  
DIRK: You’re not done yet.   
JAKE: Oh. I mean yeah but i kind of figured…  
DIRK: Wrong. You figured wrong.   
DIRK: Don’t stop, Jake. Please don’t stop, this is perfect. I just want you to enjoy yourself.  
JAKE: Whoa momma.  
DIRK: And maybe don’t talk so much, if it’s all the same to you.   
JAKE: Heheh. Yeah thats fine with me for a little while.  
JAKE: You’re sure?  
DIRK: I’m going to have to make a new auto responder just to respond to your overly cautious sexual inquiries at this rate, Jake.  
JAKE: Whoaaaa no nope lets avoid that scenario thank you very fucking much!!! I’ve got the picture now clear as fucking crystal.  
DIRK: Awesome.  


He rewards you with a sweet and disbelieving smile that you wish you could burn into you permanently. Dude just straight up cannot believe what an eager receptacle you are to the Jake English babyjuice factory. You’d be a lot more annoyed if you weren’t similarly disbelieving he was this happy to provide the goods. 

And provide he does, readjusting his legs to get extra grip before curling back over you completely and then rearing back and out of you in a harsh, fast pull that makes you whine. You lock eyes for a second and he smiles at you again, you can’t help your own tiny smile and you also can’t believe what it does to his eyes, the way it seems to melt his heart entirely. 

Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely as surely as it can disprove the impossible, you’d told Jane once. Did that mean you had to find it in yourself to believe Jake English loved you as much as you both loved Jane and Roxy? That you had to just accept something you were so unworthy for? It’s too much to fight against, too much to hold.

Which makes it a welcome surrender when Jake strikes down like a hammer into you, barring out all further thought, pounding back and forth with his face staring dead forwards above you, strain and ecstasy flushing the skin of his neck and cheeks. You can just barely see him biting his lip, just barely catch how tight his eyes are closed. 

It feels amazing, even with your cock spent and tired and shrinking, to have him taking you like this. To feel the tension build and build in this endless fountain of affection encased in a boy. The rhythmic insertion of his dick--christ, that was Jake’s _dick_ in you right now. The harsh and merciless smack of Jake’s hairy balls against your bottom. This was as close as Jake could possibly get to you, this was him trying to give you the completion you so needed. 

 

You force yourself up onto your forearms, somehow, crane up your neck through the gasps and whimpers he forced out of you and plant an encouraging kiss just under his chin.

That small gesture of comfort breaks him and he roars, wrapping himself around you.  
When you fall back it’s with his arms curled around your back, the weight of you pinning him painfully against the comfortable alien surface. He doesn’t stop, just kept yanking and slamming his way out of you, his face drawn taut and tight, his throat emanating a high-pitch, devastatingly needy whimper. Or maybe that was your throat. Whatever. 

He unloads his seed in you, groaning and yelling into the bare skin of your chest, biting down on a nipple softly and forcing your own answering moans into a higher pitch. Even as he filled you he didn’t stop, didn’t waver, working himself in and out of you and holding you tight enough that you couldn’t move away. Then it was like his own body caught up to him, and he couldn’t move much more, staying inside you, satisfied and exhausted. 

You laid there together, trying to catch your breaths, for what felt like hours. Him fallen over onto his side, still raised on his legs slightly so he could stay inside you, his arms caught underneath you and you caught in his arms. You, making sure to keep your legs spread comfortably for him, trying to keep him in. 

He moves and you fear the worst for a second but you’re so much luckier than you can dream, because in actuality Jake is hissing under his breath and giving a whooping, conqueror’s sort of laugh, looking at you with wonder and pleasure. He doesn’t come out, he pushes in further, against the throbbing soreness of his dick, which is already receding from hardness. But he’s determined to make use of all the time he’s able to, and he keeps rocking gently in and out of you, drawing pleased sounds out of both of you.

JAKE: Well that was pretty fucking top notch if i do say so myself!  
DIRK: That. Well. Yeah, I definitely agree.  
JAKE: I think i liked that better than the first time. It felt more...mature, i guess. I’m more sure you liked it, anyway.  
DIRK: I think they were both pretty awesome, but whatever.  
DIRK: I’m glad you had fun.   
JAKE: Yeah me too. You...you did have fun right?  
DIRK: Oh come ooooonnn.  
DIRK: I do not believe someone this good can be at all in doubt of their own sexual prowess.  
DIRK: The only reason you’re still gently fucking me right now is that I’m letting you!   
DIRK: Why doesn’t that tell you anything!  
JAKE: Alright alright jeeeez, don’t kill a guy for wanting some positive reinforcement ok? This is a big deal moment in our lives and all…  
DIRK: Ughh, yeah, alright I guess. You did great. Fucking incredible, English, and I’m sure you recognize the operative word there.   
JAKE: Haha, thanks, dirk.   
JAKE: Mmm…  
JAKE: Hey, we should nap.  
DIRK: I. Yeah, I think I’m down for that.  
JAKE: And then after…  
DIRK: You need some space? I have been kind of all over you lately, we can do that.  
JAKE: No actually. Maybe soon, but not yet.  
JAKE: What i wanted to ask is, maybe we could cash in that raincheck we took?  
JAKE: Check out what all the hubbub is with Davepeta’s place?  
JAKE: There’s been glowing reports all around so i’ve been wondering…  
DIRK: Oh. Huh. It doesn’t...worry you?  
JAKE: What? Why would it do that?   
DIRK: Oh, I don’t know. I guess it’s just that it makes me nervous, the idea of what you might find out.   
JAKE: Ummm care to give me an example, sport? I’m not exactly in a deductive sort of mood right now.   
DIRK: Well, just, like…  
DIRK: What if it turns out that I’m just a bad dude? At the core of me, I mean.   
DIRK: And no matter how good I try to get it’s still kind of like trying to fix a fruit gone bad.   
DIRK: Like mix it in with enough good ingredients that you don’t notice, but…  
JAKE: Um…  
DIRK: I’m not explaining this right, actually, ugh. Nevermind.  
JAKE: I mean i get what you’re worried about i think but you’re being awful hard on yourself all of a sudden.   
JAKE: You’re not a bad guy! I don’t need some fancy dance magic to tell me that.   
JAKE: We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t wanna dirk but no talking badly of yourself like that!   
DIRK: But--  
JAKE: No buts! You’re my boyfriend and my best friend and you’re awesome and basically the best, and that’s all there is to say about it.   
JAKE: Keep this up and i’ll get the girls involved and you’ll get a REAL talking to! Just see if they don’t agree with me.   
DIRK: Christ, no, don’t threaten me with a full-scale intervention.  
DIRK: I’m trying hard, and I’m proud of that, it’s just…  
JAKE: What???  
DIRK: You’re all just so much kinder than me.  
DIRK: Better, I guess.   
JAKE: Dirk…  
JAKE: That’s nonsense. You’re great.  
JAKE: I’ll be loudly on your case about it momentarily but for now…*YAWN*  
JAKE: Can we get to sleep?  
DIRK: Heh. Alright, Jake.   
JAKE: For now all i wanna say is...i believe in you, and i know how much you care about me and the girls so just know we care just as much.   
DIRK: He really must have been lost without you guys.  
JAKE: Whutzat?   
DIRK: Nothing, Jake. Let’s go to sleep.   
DIRK: And, well, sure, we can do the Davepeta thing.  
DIRK: I’m sure it won’t be that bad, if it’s true you believe in me.  
JAKE: I do!  
DIRK: I know.   


Wonder of wonders, the bathroom blows you with a gust and leaves you so dry you don’t even need a towel when you exit. The thing’s a fucking miracle, and you’re absolutely bribing Jake into letting you reverse engineer its tech if you have to paint yourself blue to get it. 

After you have the hottest date of your life so far, if reports are to be believed. 

But you don’t think of any of those things--not even the fact the bathroom left you completely dry somehow, and you don’t even need a towel unless you want to dry off your hair. You’re just clean, smooth, and naked. Following Jake up to his room, a place that’s quickly becoming synonymous with heaven for you. Or well, you suppose you always thought of it that way. It was just weird to have it live up to your dreams, now experienced. 

When you try for a clean change of clothes, Jake stops you. Tugs you by the arm into his bed sheets. When he settles your back flush against his chest and stomach you think you hear the click of a great puzzle coming together. He’s so warm, so firm. His arms wrapped around you are literally, objectively perfect. When one of them lets go of your torso and travels downwards, takes gentle but intractable hold of your soft cock (which does not stay soft for long), somehow that’s even better. You can practically hear him grinning, the perverted goon. 

You try to wiggle closer against him and succeed, arguably. His breath tickles your throat.  
He gives you a casual, non-committed sort of stroke downstairs.  
You realize you’re already starting to doze off.  
You’re starting to get used to sleep coming easily, you think.


	3. A Taste For Adventure (Everything Is Something To Somebody)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love my boys and now....they, and I...are at peace

_(Dirk Strider is holding the black and white ball casually and friendily but he’s clenched too tight and nervous around it, like he’s worried just the suggestion that you try the sport Dave referred to as baseball would be a bridge too far for you. It hurt like a blade against your heart and not just because it brought up all the missteps and fuck ups and hurt feelings between you. What if you were never comfortable with each other again? What if what he really wanted was to be done with you forever? To say nothing of the bungled mess you’d made with Jane, to say nothing of how Roxy was distracted and distant and you couldn’t even begin to know how things stood with her, and...._

_But no, what really hurt was this selfish, sickened thought, that what you wanted wasn’t to toss a ball around with the old guy. No, what you wanted was to grab him by the ears and throttle him with your tongue, assure yourself that some part of that nightmare could be left unmarred, that not everything was ruined, that there was hope for you yet._

_After all you’d put him through. After all the hurt you’d caused with your flightiness and cowardice, after)--_

 

You woke up feeling like you were waking _into_ a dream, the relief washing over you in a cascading downpour. This was nothing like back then, you felt so satisfied and full and happy. It felt surreal, borderline scary, to be this sure things were swell all over. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt like this--sure of both your surroundings and of the love of your friends, in particular of the love of the boy asleep next to you, hair so pale it looked bleached tossed around his shoulders. 

He’d let it dry without secluding himself in the bathroom to style it, just crawled under your bedsheets with you sleepily ( _had you ever known Dirk to do anything sleepily?_ ) and consented without so much as a peep when your greedy hands had pulled him closer, onto your chest where you could feel the weight of him as you slept. His hair had been damp and tickly then, but it was a mess of frizz and fuzz now, which struck you as utterly adorable. 

It was surprising, the little habits that were popping up between you, the last few weeks.  
You’d never have pegged yourself for the earlier riser. But then, you never would’ve figured Dirk would turn out to be so...quick to fire, as it were. And you certainly never figured your...erm...consummation would see you so often play the, the, well, the more dominant--

Dirk stirred and rolled in closer to you and you became aware of the stinging heat pricking your cheeks. You wished you could see him better, but the idea of bending over and potentially waking him for that was too risky. You settled for fumbling yourself back down into your bed, ignoring the tent you were now causing against the fabric. 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, even that was a risky gamble, and it turns out you lost this one. Dirk fidgeted and stirred against you and then his drowsy eyes were sliding awake, looking at you distant and hazy. You hope this isn’t one of those mornings where he starts sleeptalking sonnets at you, but then you suppose you also hope it is one of them. They’re nice, if a bit odd and hard to follow. 

Alas, it is not one of those mornings, if “those mornings” is even a consistent category that’s going to continue being a thing and not just a one-off lucky roll on your part. Dirk’s gaze focuses, and then sharpens, and then he’s Dirk again, inquisitive and deconstructive, taking the scene apart with ruthless logic--you included.

DIRK: You were watching me sleep again.   
JAKE: Erm--yes, i suppose...would you rather i not do that?  
DIRK: No, it’s fine. I just don’t know what there is to watch, really.  
JAKE: Oh come off that! You know perfectly well you’re a fucking sight for sore eyes and whatsnot.   
DIRK: Heh. Sure, whatever you say, English.   


He was surprisingly light on the witty deflects, instead opting to just close his eyes and snuggle deeper into you. Your hand moves onto his back through sheer weight and reflex and he seems to enjoy your fingers brushing there. He shivers and makes a little noise at the touch.

JAKE: Phew thats a relief, i thought for sure you were gonna try and get away to start the day.  
DIRK: Nope. I’m fully caught. As far as I’m concerned, this is my brutally confined jail cell until you decide we’ve gotta do something or whatever.  
DIRK: For the record, I’d rather you never decide that.   
JAKE: Well i’m not in any rush, thats for certain.  
JAKE: I never figured you’d have a sensitive back though.  
DIRK: I’m pretty much sensitive everywhere right now. Also, sore.  
DIRK: But that is pretty fucking awesome.   
JAKE: :)  


You laid there together for what must be hours. Let yourself doze and wake and bask in the weight and warmth of him, in the soft brush of his hair and the firm grip of his arms curled around you. You really did kind of wish you could stay like this forever, and even when you started getting kind of hungry, you both stubbornly refused to meet the day.

Eventually, after eternity, after not long enough, Dirk spoke up.

DIRK: Jake.   
DIRK: This can’t really last much longer, right?   
JAKE: Um…  
JAKE: No i suppose not, we should probably get something to eat after all. Would be nice if it did though.  
DIRK: No, not that.   
DIRK: I meant...us. All of this. Just…  
DIRK: We’ve stumbled a couple of times, but this really is nothing like last time, right?   
DIRK: We’ve been at this for like, a month now, and aside from the occasional stumble it just...keeps getting better.   
DIRK: It’s starting to really scare me. I feel like there has to be a catch somewhere.   
DIRK: Something else has to go wrong. If not with us, then with some devastating underlying fault in reality.  
DIRK: I mean, that’s basically everything all our lives have ever been.  
DIRK: Why believe it’s going to stop being that now?  
JAKE: Um….yikes dirk im really at a loss on what to say here.  
JAKE: You think this is all...TOO good somehow? Is that what im getting here?   
DIRK: Basically.   
JAKE: Well i dont.   
JAKE: I really hope you’re wrong about that this is the first time ive ever felt…  
JAKE: Oh i dunno...  
JAKE: HAPPY in my life, i think. I’d be devastated to lose it now.  
DIRK: I don’t think that’s true. You’ve always been pretty upbeat and chipper.  
JAKE: Sure and you’ve always been cool and witty but thats not the same thing!  
JAKE: I was always so lonely and scared and you guys were the only things that made me feel good about anything after grandma died.  
JAKE: And so much of the time i always felt like i was dumb or falling behind you all somehow! Not even to think of all the flights of fancy i entertained thinking theyd never REALLY happen  
JAKE: Or just how much i wanted to be able to just hang out, or not being sure what any of you really felt for me…  
JAKE: Especially you, actually.  
DIRK: …  
JAKE: And then the session made it all so much worse!  
JAKE: Suddenly you wanted SO MUCH that you’d never told me you’d craved before.  
JAKE: And there was fighting and stuff with Jane got so messy and i felt so stupid and stressed out and not good enough for anybody  
JAKE: I never want to feel like i did when i was on that quest crypt again.  
JAKE: I felt like it would last forever.  
JAKE: I think…  
JAKE: I think everything has sucked for bloody fucking long enough.  
JAKE: It doesn’t have to be inevitable. Everything sucking was inevitable when i was stuck at home and grandma was gone and i was alone.  
JAKE: But everything after that just sucked because i didnt know what i wanted or what you wanted and we didnt know what to fucking do! About anything!   
JAKE: So now that we’re together the only way things can be awful again is if we just stop talking again, so just promise you wont do that and ill promise not to do that and everything will be great forever from now on.   
DIRK: You think it’s really that easy?   
JAKE: Sure! I mean we’re gods and we beat lord english at his own game didnt we? What else is left to fear!  
DIRK: The fundamental transience of existence.   
JAKE: Hogwash! We’re immortal dirk! Our existence isnt transient or ephemeral or any other big nonsense word you come up with.   
JAKE: All of us are going to be awesome friends forever and thats that.  
DIRK: Heheh.  
DIRK: You’re a goof. But when you say stuff like that, for some reason, I can’t help but believe in you.   
JAKE: !   
JAKE: You actually mean that? That you believe in me?  
DIRK: Sure. Of course I do.   
DIRK: You’re my best friend and I trust you and all that I guess.  
DIRK: I’m mostly copying notes off what a sweet and hot guy told me once though.  
DIRK: He was so smart and cool though, you wouldn’t believe it.   
JAKE: Hehehehehehe stop it dirk! You’re going to make me friggin cry…  
DIRK: Well, I’d hate to do that.  
JAKE: That’s really nice to hear though.  
DIRK: I know.   
DIRK: That’s not me being a smartass, however. I just know because,  
DIRK: Well,  
DIRK: Because it meant a lot to me, too.   
DIRK: That was when I knew for sure I fell for you, probably. Not that I was into you, I knew that a lot sooner. I just mean when I felt like:  
DIRK: Yeah, this guy’s fucking it. I could listen to this dopey goober talk forever.   
DIRK: Woops sorry for the veneer of insincerity on that one.  
JAKE: No its ok, SOME ironic sentiment is quite alright and perfectly fun.   
JAKE: I understood you loud and clear.   
DIRK: Heh. Alright.   
DIRK: ...I’m sorry for being so hard on you, by the way. About, like, your intelligence, and also for never saying stuff like that.   
DIRK: It should go without saying I didn’t mean it, but still. I didn’t realize.   
JAKE: Oh its quite alright, im sorry i wasnt more forward with my attraction too but i mean hindsight is twenty twenty and all.   
DIRK: Too true.   
JAKE: I just want things to be nice and fun from now on. And they will be! I’m sure of it.   
DIRK: Sounds kickass.   
JAKE: Fuck yeah!  


Dirk seemed like he was maybe trying to force himself out of bed, then gave up and flopped back down onto you immediately. It made you aware that while this was super fucking awesome and all he’d been there all night and your shoulder was kinda starting to hurt. You shifted uncomfortably but it didn’t help. It made you think of something else you wanted to say.

JAKE: Hey, can we switch? My shoulder’s starting to hurt.   
DIRK: Oh. I mean, sure, if you want to.   


You don’t wait for more drawn out assurances, just force you both up and immediately start fussing and fumbling your way around to Dirk’s side of the bed, usurping it. You put your hand down on his wrist and he mutters a quiet “ow.” but doesn’t whine much. Then you flop down and curl yourself around him, slipping your leg under his, bending to get your ear on his chest.

 

Good thing you did, too. This is more exciting for Dirk than he was letting on--his heart was beating hard and fast, like a puppy’s. Puppies hearts were apparently really fast according to movies, you didn’t know since you’d never seen a puppy. But you sure imagine it felt this nice.

DIRK: There was a way easier way to do that, you know.  
JAKE: Duh dirk but i wanted to be on this side! I’ve never gotten to hear your heart before.   


Somehow his heart starts beating faster.

JAKE: I do think though it’s fine if there’s more problems also?  
JAKE: Like im sure stuff will go wrong eventually in some way and we’ll have to deal with it and itll be a hassle or hard even.   
JAKE: But that’s fine! That doesn’t mean nothing matters or that its a bad thing.  
DIRK: Interesting. How are you planning to back up this new Jakeian Philosophy?   
JAKE: Ummm i dunno about THAT i was just thinking   
JAKE: Mmmmmaybe there is such a thing as just being too happy i guess?   
DIRK: Well, yeah. That would explain the existential mortal terror I’m currently experiencing.   
JAKE: Um no not like that.  
JAKE: I meant like...like a light shining too brightly, so bright it hurts to look at anything or keep your eyes open.  
JAKE: Or being so happy you cant even think or exist as yourself inside the noise of the feelings.   
JAKE: Um, sorry, i guess you wouldn’t really get it, nevermind.   
DIRK: Are you...talking about trickster stuff?  
JAKE: …  
DIRK: You’ve never actually told me what it was like.   
JAKE: I just  
JAKE: I dont think i could stand it if we were just this dreamy and giggly forever  
JAKE: Its a good thing all those new trolls are around cause it makes it hard to believe it will but if we were to somehow magically fix all OUR problems and the problems with the girls  
JAKE: And we were all as close and happy as we are right now but just FOREVER and we added all the other chums on top of that…  
JAKE: I think thats part of why it took so long for jane to talk to me or for me to talk to you again.   
JAKE: In a way the idea of us being happy again was like, ruined for me, tainted by the memory of being so happy and just not being able to focus on how hurt and sad you were.  
JAKE: And how awful and selfish i felt after how i treated both of you just before that…  
JAKE: And jeez for jane it must be even harder because by the time she came out of that and then being a robot businesswoman our roxy was DEAD   
JAKE: Which is still kinda...really weird and sad to think about.  
JAKE: I dunno i just think being happy is fun but not as important as being at peace and satisfied and its kind of dangerous actually.  
JAKE: And i still remember you telling me you had feelings and that i was an asshole and feeling so terrible but also just not being able to think about that and just wanting to get married and have foursomes and stuff   
JAKE: Even though that was important to hear even if it sucked! I think even at the time part of me was aware that was the first time i’d gotten any direct verbal indication that you liked me.  
JAKE: That you cared, even if you were kind of using it as a weapon in self-defense.  
JAKE: But i just couldnt even care about that, in the overwhelming sugary excitement of it all.   
JAKE: It was just so bright and cheery and totally fucked up i never want to be that oblivious again.   
JAKE: I’d rather you just be a little too mean about movies than that.   
DIRK: Um...wow. Jake, holy shit.   
JAKE: Uhhh sorry did i say something wrong?  
DIRK: No, dude. I think that was kind of fucking brilliant actually.   
JAKE: Oh good i was kind of worried you’d debunk my perspective with one of your totally splick washing clean old greek dude theories.  
DIRK: Nope. Turns out you’ve got them all beat. Or at least, I want to think so, because that actually made me feel better.   
DIRK: I’ll have to put that logic to more thorough scrutiny later, however.   
JAKE: A-alright…  
JAKE: Say, um. While we’re on the subject of perspectives one or both of us may never have been privy to.   
JAKE: Do you...remember anything about Brain Ghost Dirk?   
DIRK: ...No? What the fuck is Brain Ghost Dirk?   
JAKE: Oh...gosh.  
JAKE: I was kind of expecting you’d know already i wasn’t sure which would be weirder to be honest but this is actually a lot flipping worse.   
DIRK: Please explain what you’re talking about.  
JAKE: He was like, one of your splinters, or at least that’s how he described himself.  
JAKE: But also he only existed in my head, and was a ghost.   
DIRK: ...I think I have a slight sense of that.   
DIRK: Yeah, I guess that time my dream self just popped into a dream bubble, I had a weird sense that had to do with you.   
JAKE: Huh? When was that???  
DIRK: When you were fighting the alternate version of the Condesce, who was a hot alien fish babe ghost.  
JAKE: Oh yeah i do remember that.   
JAKE: Anyway he was just kind of like...a make-believe dirk, that i talked to sometimes. But he was real! And one of your splinters though i guess you didnt experience him really.   
DIRK: Huh. That’s...alright, I guess. So you’re saying I was basically...your imaginary friend?  
JAKE: Uh...yeah in a way i guess but that makes me sound really childish and stupid.   
DIRK: Not really, I think it sounds adorable. As far as I’m concerned, call me fucking Hobbes.   
JAKE: Haha yes well thats all quite good but i had a reason for bringing it up and if you’re going to be all sarcastic and snippy i just wont let you know!  
JAKE: It was gonna be real fucking cute probably and youd like it but now OH WELL!   
DIRK: I wasn’t being sarcastic, though.  
DIRK: It’s nice to know I was that important to you, if a little weird maybe.  
DIRK: Why no brain ghosts of Jane or Roxy?   
JAKE: Ummm i think brain ghost dirk implied it had as much to do with my hope stuff having an outlet as with your heart stuff making existing be kind of your Thing.   
JAKE: But to be honest i dont really get it.   
JAKE: What it seemed to come down to was us being on each other’s minds a lot.   
DIRK: Wow.  
DIRK: I dunno Jake that sounds pretty homosexual.  
JAKE: HAR HAR yes well things got way gayer than THAT in both meanings of the term but also maybe kind of traumatic and terrible.  
JAKE: Either way you’re definitely being a smartass now so i guess youll never know!  
DIRK: No, come on dude, I’m sorry. Look I take it back, I’ll even close my mouth deliberately wherever you want me to, just give me the goods on the gay shit.  
JAKE: Blaaar fine! But only because your hair looks so messy and its cute.  
DIRK: Wait, my hair is messy?  
JAKE: Shush!  
JAKE: He saved me one time.  
DIRK: What?   
JAKE: Brain ghost dirk! My hope powers went bonkers as i was accosted by a devilish and charming alien spider ghost, and i destroyed Derse and got Jade killed :(  
DIRK: Uh...dude, none of that ever happened. What are you talking about?   
JAKE: Oh right i guess you were...i actually dont know where you were when that all happened?  
JAKE: But it wasnt in this universe its memories i got from the jake in...i guess...the universe that came “before” ours in a way?  
JAKE: The one john and rox came from.   
DIRK: Oh. Yeah.  
DIRK: I have memories from then, too, but I don’t think he...I...ever found you.   
JAKE: You didn’t. Not alive at least. He--i?? died, trying to save jane from your sword which was being manipulated by that same blue spider girl.   
DIRK: Oh. That doesn’t really sound like I saved jack shit, frankly.   
JAKE: No but you did! You dont understand  
JAKE: She messed with my MIND somehow, made me her...her GUN i guess, and i couldnt do anything about it.   
JAKE: But i guess i thought you could. And you did! You hurt her bad enough that whatever she was doing to me stopped and I could THINK again.   
JAKE: And sure i died after but at least i got to be me by the end.  
JAKE: Me and Jane woke up in the bubbles together, and we spent so much time trying to find you and roxy and everyone but we never did.  
JAKE: Until...well, until all of this happened, and now I guess they’re in here? In our noggins i mean. Fiddlesticks you know what i’m talking about!  
DIRK: Yeah, I do.   
JAKE: You’re the heart guy and ive been curious for a while so i guess ill ask  
JAKE: Do you think they’re alive? Or i guess what i mean is...did we just get their MEMORIES?  
JAKE: Or if we remember those memories enough does that mean we ARE them--that version of them? Or…   
JAKE: Augh i dont know how to phrase it.   
DIRK: I understand the question, but I can’t say I know the answer.  
DIRK: I think...it’s entirely possible the conciousnesses that existed in the void are continuing to be concious through us.   
DIRK: And to whatever extent their memories impact us and our choices, that’s how alive they are? That’s how they live on?   
DIRK: But I don’t really know what that means for them, or for us. Did we let ourselves get willingly hijacked, or did we just gain a whole bunch of sweet hax top secret cosmic info?  
DIRK: It’s impossible to say.   
JAKE: Hmm….  
JAKE: Well i think i want to believe they’re all alive and get to keep being alive, and us too.  
JAKE: They’re all us after all so whats really the difference even?  
DIRK: Fair enough. I really don’t know if you’re right about that.  
DIRK: But if you think it’s true, then I believe it.   
JAKE: …  
DIRK: Wait a second, though. You keep mentioning this blue spider girl, but we have two of those running around here right now.  
DIRK: Are you telling me Vriska was fucking with you?  
DIRK: I don’t care if she’s making improvements or if she’s a wreck after what the trolls did, she’s going to have a talk with my sweet sword if she was fucking with you.   
JAKE: No no not her and anyway i dont really think swords are necessary here!  
JAKE: It was the...the other one. The shy one with the dress whos by herself most of the time.  
JAKE: She tried saying hi to me once but honestly it was really uncomfortable and she doesnt seem to remember any of that stuff.  
DIRK: Hm. That must be what they were talking about, I guess.  
JAKE: Who???  
DIRK: You were there. Sollux, Feferi, and Terezi gave us the lowdown.  
DIRK: Apparently we only kept the memories of ghosts who never double died, and some people like Gamzee didn’t have many ghosts in the first place because of a weird glitch that happens when there’s only one player left in a session or something like that.  
JAKE: Ummm……..i think i remember but that was all really confusing and i mostly just zoned out to be perfectly candid.  
DIRK: I know. It’s fine, it just means whichever version of her did that got well and truly wrecked, unless she’s lying or hiding something.  
DIRK: If she tries anything, I’ll find out which.   
JAKE: Hehehehehehe.  
JAKE: Oh mr. strider! What a brave and dashing handsome hero you are! *Swoon*  
DIRK: Heh.   
JAKE: But in all seriousness.   
JAKE: Hey dirk you know we DID have plans for today that extended past just lounging in bed all day and im pretty damn hungry.  
JAKE: How about we go out and dance?   


### 

You should have known Dirk would have had a whole event planned out for this. You had to let him down gently when the alarm bells go off, which is when he decaptchalogued what could only be described as an ironically fairy tale-ish pumpkin coach guided by a robot horse. Dude was obviously pretty worried he’s not gonna be great at this whole bizarre magic thoughtmix first dance first official date dealie though, so you consent to wearing your matching suits. The black silk was nice and crisp anyway and the dark green of your shirt matched the orange of his smashingly, to your mind. Plus it was irresistible, the little smile that popped up on his face when you said you loved it and that it fit perfectly, the simultaneously detached and breathless way he said “Cool.”

But you floated and walked and took your time getting there, just two buddies going on an adventure, snacking on the fruits you keep stashed in your sylladex as you go on your way. It’s nice, and casual, and friendly. The only reason either of you were sweating at all was that the sun was beating down on you so hard, burning and suffocating. You liked it, though--it made the poshness of your suits a little more laid back, a little more relaxing. 

You liked the way he walked without seeming to move his arms even though his hands were tucked deep in his pockets. The high bend of his back as he forced it deliberately upright--a stark contrast to you, always a sloucher. The smart click clack of his dress shoes on rock and dirt path, a sound almost impossibly professional and collected in this terrain, but unsurprisingly Dirk pulled it off effortlessly. 

You liked him. It was that big and that simple.

JAKE: Hey bro  
DIRK: Yeah?  
JAKE: Can i get a high five?   
DIRK: Haha, sure. What’s the occasion?   


But it’s not like he actually needed a reason, his hand was already out of his pocket and raised. It made it look cool and effortless when you deftly dodged having to answer him, instead meeting question with action and clapping your hand strong and loud against his, the sting of skin on skin thrilling. You grabbed on tight and didn’t let go, enjoyed watching him lose the thread of your intentions and then gain it again, watching understanding dawn.

JAKE: Sorry i meant a continuous one, we havent done one of those since...i think maybe LOMAX was the last time?   
DIRK: Maybe. But hey, let’s not think about that, and you can have whatever kind of high-five you want.  
JAKE: Well that sounds like a swell bargain if i sure ever heard one.  


The best part was how he was wearing his glasses but they couldn’t even hide anything--the quiver in his lip, the disbelieving excitement, the way he had to look away and take a breath just to keep his shit together. He really did like you that much, huh? It seemed obvious and transparent now, but no less satisfying. You wondered if things would stay this easy. You hoped they would and decided that was likely good enough. 

You came to the mountain and made a game of climbing it: No flying, no hops higher than 30 meters, no god tier nonsense. It was still pretty easy to make short work of the mountain, but between his strategy and your shortcuts it was a damn close race. He won, but only barely, and he was breathing hard and leaning against the entrance of Davepeta’s club as his penance to physics. You were sprawled out on the floor trying not to pass out, sure, but whatever--you’d call anything a victory so long as you got Strider to break his composure. 

You finally caught your second wind after a spell and pushed with your back, kicking yourself up onto your feet with a flip. Dirk was still leaning against the wall, but his eyes had been watching you, and you enjoyed knowing your shirt had flipped up to bare your midriff at him, enjoyed the slight edge to his face at what he’d seen. 

You stalked into the cool dark air of the club like a predator, and when you passed Dirk you passed your hand over his stomach and he shivered at the contact, sensitive guy that he is.  
You grinned at him as big as you could, offhandedly promised more if he was patient in a way you hope came off sexily. You thought it worked, since he just sighed softly and followed you in. 

It was brisk and chilly but that might’ve been that you were wet with sweat. It was almost the perfect temperature for cooling and drying you off with minimal discomfort, though--almost supernaturally comfortable. You wandered the walls and looked up at the high roof and pillars, the orange-white-purple-black mixing of fluorescent hues. It added up to something downright classy through the intricate clash. Dirk shuffled behind you, also taking in the scenery.  
You with wonder, him with caution. 

They flashed into view so fast you didn’t even have time to blink. Suddenly they were just lounging there, a lazy emperor, sprawled and lounging impudently on the bizarre throne/dj station they’d transformed their set up into. It seemed like it changed every time any of you set foot in here, like Davepeta’s perception of time demanded too much change far too quickly. 

They were spinning a little crown on their finger, cocky and aggressively at ease--a cat at home in their territory, a God with intruders on its domain. But Davepeta just splayed themselves over on their side and looked over at you both, waved lazily and said

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  n’yo, sup dudes   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  you sure s33m to be getting along like milk and kittens   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  felt like having some good heart to heart time? H33H33H33  
DIRK: Your jokes are just getting more and more awful.  
DIRK: Seriously? Nyo? That’s what you come up with?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  someday dirk i really hope you too will enjoy the exquisite level of ironic nirvana achieved when you become a seizure inducing hyperfurry   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  dont worry youll get there! a rump like jakes is just way too enticing to reality for it to resist anything he wants for you   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  pretty awesome shit in the biblical sense if you know what i mean   
DIRK: …  
JAKE: I’m not entirely sure i follow but i think i want to say thanks i guess?   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  sure im just glad youre both doing so well!   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  nya gonna dance at all or did dirk just wanna be pussy at me a lot meownight????  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  im dying to see two nerds be adfluffable and try to pounce on the rug like theres a really frisky mouse running around on it  
DIRK: You’re really not doing much to make this experience seem appealing and comfortable, dude.   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  doesnt really matter im not doing much of anything  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  me n jasprose just provide the scenery and the beats   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  you peeps fill in the sick raps   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  if jake didnt know you were annoyed by me thatd hurt the ambiance a lot more than if you just dont wanna hang with me purrsonally   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  its a tough game k33ping an eye out for all you awesome kids sometimes but everybodys got an important job to do right?   
DIRK: ...Huh. Well. Alright.   
DIRK: I guess that makes sense. Maybe you’re alright.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  lol dude im fuckin awesome   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  but hey maybe quit talking to me and pay attention to your boyfriend?   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  im not gonna tassle ya im just here to watch the show   
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33  you wont even notice me soon as you catch a load of this sick beat   


As if by royal decree or spiritual magic or skaian technology, the drums answered, a high and chiming beat. It made you jump, made Dirk jump, and the way he moved-- surprised slight movement to his solid build-- reminded you of the contours and flexes of his body, the way his brain spins and whirrs constantly, the concave hollows under his cheekbones, the sharp drop of his nose. Suddenly you couldn’t help but notice these things, couldn’t help but be drawn to thoughts of him. 

You thought of him climbing and sprinting, in competition with you.  
You thought of him resting and settling, trapped on your skin like it was honey.  
You thought of him shaking and straining, fighting through pain to save all of you.  
You thought of him pining and yearning, long orange confessionals beeping on your phone. 

You don’t need the magic to have started you know he’s thinking similarly.  
You know his face well enough.  
You realized dimly, in a second that lasted forever, that you had both started holding hands again as you walked into the dance hall. You hadn’t even thought about it.

You were still holding hands, actually.

The beat dropped.

When you came out it felt like splitting hot, salty water, coming up to surface. You were sweating so hard you were a little drenched. You reflexively loosened your collar, then said fuck it and undid a button, then two. Dirk’s mouth was agape, lost in the implications and feelings traded in the music. Which pissed you off a little, since all it had done to you was make you want very very badly to talk to him, to have his eyes on you, to be together. Oh well. You could hardly blame him. You had always been better at rolling with the punches, you guess--Dirk acted the part well, but really the man just planned for everything. 

Except, evidently, for you choosing to touch him. You reached up to his face and plucked his glasses off and he didn’t do much but blink at you, didn’t even protest when you banished them to your sylladex. Your hand rested on his cheek and his eyes closed, his lips pressed together. He exhaled hard and slow as it fell down his neck, rode his adam’s apple, traced it’s way into his shirt, twisting to force two buttons open. 

You couldn’t help yourself, didn’t want to. He was so perfect, such an idealized representation of the bundle of words and terms and concepts you identified as your best friend. It was so hard to believe it was all locked inside the body of this one gaunt, lanky boy. Maybe it was a dream self thing? Maybe being your dream self literally made you your dream self, remade you to the specs of your own mind’s perfection somehow. 

Maybe that was dumb, but. You still wanted to say it to him. Because if it was true then there was something he hadn’t realized, something you wanted him to understand. This suit was cold and wet, this shirt was suddenly too tight, and you were starting to learn the words to the language you and Dirk spoke most fluently in together. 

It’s so easy to just take it off, and then you’re just dark skin and black dress cloth and smart black shoes and you took Dirk’s hand and placed it gently on your shoulder, sighed roughly at the touch. His thumb almost compulsively sought to trace the shitty, vague outline of his handiwork. You watch his eyes linger there, wander all over you thirsty as hell, linger there again. He was a puppet all of a sudden, hypnotized and ruminating on your perspective you guessed.

JAKE: You know, you gave me the tattoo before we god tiered, dirk.  
DIRK: !  
DIRK: I...I honestly hadn’t thought about that.  
DIRK: So you…  
DIRK: You kept it?   


He looked into your eyes, saying it softly, disbelieving and vulnerable and full of wonder. You’d never seen his face full of wonder before. That was new. That belonged to you. 

He finally responded when your tongue invaded his, and his hands gripped over your shoulders incredibly strong, squeezing at your back, your hips, your ass, pulling you closer in a raucous dance. 

He had gotten used to this already, begun adapting with his indomitable, undeniable will. Started bending it and twisting it with the force of himself, kept his direction throughout the experience. Which you suppose had kept you grounded in your own, as well. That was fine, though. You’d liked feeling like you were Dirk that first time, but in a way this was better. Like he was using the power and magic of this place and this sound for the Ultimate Feelings Jam.  
Your hands were traveling under his shirt when you came back out of it, he was clutched hard to you and leaning so low his legs would have given out under him except that you were holding him up with your arms. You took your mouth to his neck immediately, and you weren’t sure if his “AH!” was due to the suction of your mouth or the sheer force of your shared memories. Either way was hot as hell, either way led your hand to grip the flat plane he called an ass and you called heaven.

When you pushed and lifted, he answered by opening his legs wide to take you in. He wrapped them around you tight and hard and wrapped his arms around his neck and oh. Oh. You’d never imagined Dirk like this, so dependent and needy of you. You’d never imagined yourself strong enough to carry him. But here you were and here he was and the way he was looking at you was desperate and vulnerable. He was frozen, doing anything at all, just waiting expectantly. All he wanted was for you to give him whatever you wanted to give. 

You wanted to give him everything. You could feel him aching hard against you, flesh on cloth on cloth on flesh. Raw humanity under all these layers, begging for touch, for release.  
You didn’t want to do that here, though. Soon, but not now. Close, but not here. You did meet your lips with his again, walked easily even with him weighing you down to pin him against the wall.

Some part of your brain wondered if you shouldn’t be more chaste about this, more subtle, if maybe you shouldn’t actually try to dance. Another voice, a deeper one that spoke quietly in your heart, answered as you asked the question, speaking a truth that felt instinctual.  
That this was a dance, that this was the original, and maybe the only kind of dance of that mattered. Maybe all the others were pretense or pretend. 

Dirk’s fingers felt like fire on you, the cloth of his shirt too cold for you to stand. Suddenly more than anything you wanted to be out of here, wanted to be in your bed, wanted to be away from Davepeta’s eyes and _Home_. Where you were safe and in charge, and nobody was allowed except for you and him. Where he would let you do anything at all that you wanted. 

It was so nice to know the depth of his feeling, the parallels of your guilts and longings. But you didn’t want to end there. You wanted to save him from it, to undo the division between you completely. You wanted to give him hope, and the wish turned into an order to this place, you could feel it taking power from you and accepting your will. Arcane, humming instruments making music of your feelings. 

You could already feel the white building and humming its own song inside you when the last beat of this one hits:

_You’re gone in a flash and you hear Davepeta call as if down an extremely long hallway, humorously saying “Thank me later bros!!! B33”._

You might have imagined it but you weren’t imagining this, Dirk landing hard and sprawled where you threw him onto your bed. You were starting to think he looked like he belonged there, in your safest place, on your pedestal. The greatest vantage point to admire his magnificence from. 

He looked up at you with wide, pleading eyes. His mouth worked but no sound came out.  
For once, he was speechless. That was the only thing you liked better than the sound of Dirk’s voice--Dirk with no idea what to say.

Your blood was so loud in your ears, blotting out sound. Your body was screaming at you, drowning thought, urging you to get closer to him. You advanced on him, crawling into your bed above him, and he just kept looking up at you with those big eyes. Orange like deep sunset. His mouth was turned downward in a pout, needy and desperate. You could just catch the white of his teeth. 

Your hands settled on the sides of his face and then you were just there, drowning him in your shadow. Warm and safe, just like you’d wanted. Dirk finally gathered himself enough to take some kind of action. The action he chose was to raise his hand and press it against your bare torso, his fingers running through the hair on your belly and chest. A soft ah escaped your lips, but you stayed still. Let him take his time. 

You couldn’t believe the look on his face staring at you, the deep blush in his cheeks he made no effort to hide. He wasn’t breathing. This Strider was entirely new to you, you thought--all his wit and defenses removed, he was just...lust incarnate and lovestruck. His hand brushed up, up from your belly button to your throat in slow inches, then worked it’s way back down. You swiveled slowly against it, your cock fit to burst against your pants. 

He knew--of course he knew, Dirk knew everything--and it was a great relief to push yourself up against his hand so he could reach the clasp of your belt, unbuckle and unzip you and force you to wiggle as he pulled your pants down to your thighs. You gasped with relief as the pressure loosened and your bare skin met open air.

JAKE: phew, man you really saved me i thought i was gonna go totally flippin bonkers…  
DIRK: I know, dude.   
DIRK: Christ, that thing is beautiful.   


The tone of his voice was shaken and breathless in a way that made you shiver and took the air out of your lungs. His eyes didn’t move from your crotch as he said it. But then they did start to wander.

DIRK: Everything about you is. I just...I can’t believe this is real, that it’s happening.   
DIRK: Do you think I ever will? I mean, it’s been weeks now. Wouldn’t it have started to sink in by now, if it was ever going to?   
DIRK: We literally shared thoughts and feelings just now, like I actually felt how you felt about everything.  
DIRK: I know you care and I know you forgive me and I know you want this too but…  
DIRK: It just don’t feel real. I feel like I’m dreaming.   
DIRK: Which is new, since, you know. It’s not like I’ve been dreaming long enough to get used to it.   
DIRK: I never understood that saying before now, but wow, yeah. Jesus.  
JAKE: You’re rambling, bro.   
DIRK: Shit. Sorry.   
JAKE: I know the feeling though. I just…  
JAKE: I bungled things so badly, and as good as it keeps getting i just keep feeling like i dont deserve any of it.   
JAKE: And you just seem to like me so gosh damned much i just dont understand it.   
JAKE: I don’t believe it either to be honest. Even while i’m literally feeling it. It’s weird.  
DIRK:...  
DIRK: You know, that’s not exactly the most reassuring thing to hear from a Hope player.   
JAKE: Haha i guess so.   
DIRK: Do you think anything will ever fix us?  
JAKE: Um...yes i think so.   
JAKE: I don’t think it’s that weird to be honest? I just need time to...get used to it.  
JAKE: It’s probably the same for you! This is just so...so different.   
DIRK: It can’t possibly be that simple.  
JAKE: Oh im not so sure dirk you just never know when to cut yourself any slack!   
JAKE: For now i think...this is good enough, isn’t it? We’re having fun, right?   
DIRK: Yes. Oh wow, yes.   
JAKE: Then just shut that brain of yours up and just relax! You don’t need to understand it right away, do you? Just have fun with me and chill out for a little while.   
DIRK: I can’t. I don’t know how.  
DIRK: You really felt that way? Feel that way? I’m really all of that to you?  
DIRK: I just can’t wrap my head around it, and I can’t stop trying to.   
DIRK: I’m no good at just feeling stuff, Jake. I can’t do this by myself.  
JAKE: Dirk you are kind of killing the mood for me over here and it was quite a smashing fucking mood. I’m sure you recognize the operative sentiment???  
JAKE: What do you want from me??? What can i do?? We literally traded MINDS for a little while, dirk! If you can’t just go with the flow and trust me even if it feels a little weird what am i supposed to do????  
DIRK: Help me.  
JAKE: !  
JAKE: ...What?  
DIRK: Help me.   
DIRK: Help me, Jake.   
DIRK: Help me stop thinking.  
DIRK: Help me forget.  
DIRK: Help me stop trying to understand.  
DIRK: Make my brain be quiet. You know how. You’ve done it before.   
DIRK: Make me, Jake.   


You’ve never seen someone look like Dirk looked just then. Not just needy, or lusting, or loving. Though all of those, as well. This kind of vulnerability was more than you thought was possible--it wafted off him, rendered him weak even as the image of him overpowered you. He was asking you for help. Hypercompetent, impossibly perfect Strider was asking you for help. Your best friend was asking you for help. And while he did it--

\--Dirk looked desperate.

DIRK: Help me.   


Now there was an order you could comply with.

JAKE: Alright, buddy. All you had to do was ask.   


He hissed at the soft way you said buddy, looked away from you. The sound felt like lightning hitting you square in the head, made you arch your back, lower your chest closer to him. You let yourself fall onto an elbow and your right hand travels onto the button holding Dirk’s black overshirt in place. It came loose easily, releasing a field of blinding orange. 

He held his breath. He kept doing so as your hand traveled back up to his neck, undid the top button of his shirt. Then the second. You take a break at the third and paw your way inside, passing your palm gently over his nipple. He cried out and curled around himself at the touch, and you couldn’t help but bend down to kiss him. 

He didn’t even try to put up a fight--his tongue submissive and compliant. You had your run of his mouth, invading with your own babble muscle, exploring the nooks and crannies of his teeth, the fleshy springs of his cheeks. Your tongue lifted his and he let you place it against the roof of his mouth, let you stroke gently at it’s underside. Weird. New. Thrilling.

All the while, your hands played and travelled. Undoing buttons, brushing flesh. Every now and then you went back to his nipples, forcing a hoot out of him. The vibration of it rocked your throat and mouth and made you feel alert and focused all over again. Dirk’s hands wandered you, too. Slowly, too slowly. Feeling your arm muscles, stroking your shoulders, digging through your hair and cupping your face in his hands. 

Suddenly, you ran out of buttons. When you pushed yourself up and away from him, he straight up whined, and it was all you could do not to lower yourself back down-- to save him from whatever feeling caused it? Or to get him to do it again? Who knew, but you had more vision than that. You grabbed at the cloth caught under Dirk’s jeans and tore it free, grabbed harshly and yanked his belt undone. 

Undid the button on his pants, undid the zipper, and then finally, after a million barriers and an eternity, you did Dirk, set him free by taking hold and pulling down and ripping his pretty little dress pants all the way down to his knees. He yelled, the sudden exposure and freedom too much for him. You groaned in frustration at the sudden realization that shoes hadn’t stopped being a thing or anything, they totally existed and were in your goddamn way. 

They could be more polite, you muttered at them as you grabbed at Dirk’s feet and threw--not tossed--them away from you and into the far reaches of your room. His black on orange socks were pretty cute, but they had to go too. Your eyes glanced at Dirk’s feet and the light, pale fuzz on the top of them, the wide long toes, and you thought Huh. That’s something you hadn’t considered. Filed it away under fetishes for later and finished the job of knocking Dirk’s pants off. 

Finally having done that, you looked up at him. He’d been watching you that whole time, and how his chest was rising and falling in mountainous movements. His dick was thick and plump against his crotch, nestled against his immaculately landscaped dull pale pubic hair. It reminded you of some kind of fruit, somehow--a stuttery leap of logic that arrived simply at the word Yum. 

You thought he was probably longer than you, but also that you were thicker. But you weren’t really thinking it. It was a shadow thought under a shadow thought under an uppermost thought, which was that he was fucking breathtaking to behold in his glory like this. 

But it wasn’t the uppermost thought you were thinking about really, but instead that middle one. That shadow. It was one that made you nervous, something you hadn’t even considered yourself doing even just this morning. Only all of a sudden you were curious to. Dirk seemed to enjoy it so much, after all--there had to be something to it. And amazing though being inside him was, it was already

You’d didn’t know dicks could go flaccid so quickly, though. You’d barely even gotten to see him at full mast before all of a sudden Strider Junior was making a hasty retreat as deep into his crotch as possible. You looked up at him, worried.

JAKE: Um…dirk? You alright bro?  
DIRK: I. Shit. Sorry. I got nervous.   
JAKE: You started thinking too much again, didn’t you. :/  
DIRK: I can’t help it, dude. I just…  
DIRK: I know you want this in a way, but in another…  
DIRK: It just scares me. I’m scared you’re going to change your mind.   
JAKE: Well, whatever, like i said you’ll get over it eventually i guess.  
JAKE: Are we done here or are you open to allowing me to rouse you back up?  
DIRK: No! We don’t have to be done, I’m just being stupid, this is still basically the hottest thing that’s ever happened.   
JAKE: Haha well good because the case of blue balls i was about to get was going to make me unrecognizable from a Na’vi.  
JAKE: Actually hm you know that doesnt sound so bad.  
JAKE: Do you think my hope powers include turning us into na’vi, dirk?  
DIRK: I figure the answer is probably yes, but I sincerely hope I never find out.   
JAKE: Aw come on, you’re telling me you NEVER found the idea of making sexy spirtual hair love to me AT ALL appealing?  
JAKE: You really do know how to break a guy’s heart, strider. :(  


You took the opportunity to climb back onto the bed and on top of him, making sure to put up the biggest puppy dog eyes you could muster. Making sure to get your hand gently cupping his long-hanging balls, your thumb stroking at the top of them. They felt nice in your hand, almost as nice as it felt watching Dirk’s teeth grit and his hands clench as he hissed. You didn’t know dicks could get hard that fast, either--Dirk was very much a digital kind of guy.

DIRK: Alright, fine, whatever. Maybe I thought about it once or twice.   
DIRK: You know, out of a desire to be a satisfying boyfriend, instead of the insufferable prick you’ve turned out to be.  
JAKE: Aw come on don’t pretend you don’t like it or i’ll get too nervous to continue. :(  
DIRK: You’re ruthless, English.   
DIRK: You’re right, I love it. Jesus, how can you sound so sweet and order me around like that?   
JAKE: I’m not ordering you around at all! It’s not MY fault if you find me too irresistible to refuse.  
DIRK: It’s probably your fault if you use it to exploit me, though.   
JAKE: Even if you want me to?  
DIRK: Especially if I want you to.  
JAKE: That’s dumb, dirk.   
DIRK: No it’s not.  
JAKE: Yes it is.  
DIRK: No.  
JAKE: Yes!  
DIRK: N--Ahgn!  


You made sure to get the last word by taking hold of his cock and drawing it open, producing a wild yelp from him and forcing him to scrabble for purchase against the bed. You snickered, your cock throbbed. In a flash of inspiration, you realized maybe you could have your cake and eat it too--indulge your curiosity while also calming Dirk down. 

You adjusted your legs so you were straddling Dirk’s hips, his legs spread out under you, and lowered yourself until your dick was parallel his. Then it was a simple matter of scooping up your own dick, pressing it in against his. Dirk’s wheezy groan was absolutely delicious.  
He wriggled under you and gasped as you slowly rolled both your foreskins open.  
Oh, yes. You could get used to that.

JAKE: Hey, dirk.  
DIRK: Yeah?   
JAKE: I think mine’s thicker than yours.  
DIRK: Yeah, I noticed that.  
DIRK: Your balls are bigger, too.  
JAKE: Really??? I thought yours were.  
DIRK: Nope. They just hang more.   
JAKE: Huh. Well yours is still longer. By quite a bit, even! Jeez..  
DIRK: It really doesn’t matter, dude. Don’t get down about it.  
DIRK: I like you just fine.   
JAKE: Aw thats sweet. It goes both ways though dude!  
JAKE: I just thought it’d be fun to jam about. Maybe we should measure them???  
JAKE: I’m pretty sure thats like, a rule that bros with their jolly rogers out have to do.  
DIRK: Ok, first of all, my dick is not a “Jolly Roger”.  
DIRK: And second of all, it’s not a rule.  
DIRK: We can if you want to, I guess, but I don’t have a ruler.  
JAKE: Drat me neither. Guess it’ll have to wait til next time.   
JAKE: This is still fun though isnt it?  
DIRK: Haha, yeah dude.   
JAKE: Cool. Hey, dirk?  
DIRK: You have my full attention, dog. Don’t need to keep calling for it.  
JAKE: Oh hush.   
JAKE: I…  
JAKE: I think i’d like to try switching things up this time.  
DIRK: Sure. We can do pretty much whatever, what did you have in mind?  
DIRK: Bondage? Face fucking? Actual 69’ing? That was cool.  
DIRK: Hell I’ll go for the Na’vi thing if you can pull it off.   
JAKE: Enticing as those all sound no that wasnt what i meant.  
JAKE: I meant..SWITCHING switching. Like as in the opposite. Of last time.  
DIRK: ...Oh.   
DIRK: Oh.   
DIRK: I mean...  
DIRK: Not that I’m not flattered, and extremely excited, but…  
DIRK: That kind of took a lot of practice for me to get good at, dude.   
DIRK: You should probably pace yourself.  
JAKE: It’s so obnoxious how you continue to assume i’ve never given this a moment’s wonder, dirk, i wish you would give it a blasted rest.  
DIRK: !   
JAKE: I mean im not going to claim absolute confidence! It’s certainly an intimidating...erm...adventure.   
JAKE: But thats just the point isnt it! And i want you to know i like you the way you are.  
DIRK: I already know that.  
JAKE: No no you really don’t.  
JAKE: Stop trying to protect me from myself, blast you! I know quite damn well what i want to do.   
JAKE: And you got all this experience and know-how anyway! So ive never had more than a couple fingers in my butt at once, so what!  
JAKE: I’ve got the best teacher in the world!  
JAKE: Just take it slow and be gentle and we’ll get it done eventually right?  
JAKE: And if it doesnt work out ill just say so and we can try again later.  
JAKE: Just give it the good old college try with me mate! It can’t possibly go THAT wrong.   
JAKE: If you’re taking care of things i’m sure it’ll be SMASHING, in fact!  
JAKE: You’re not going to convince me you havent studied this stuff with the precision and thoroughness of an astrophysicist explorer trying to get back to earth after he was stranded on mars.  
DIRK: Um, what?  
JAKE: I’m just saying i’m sure you know what you’re doing!  
JAKE: You always know all the right things to do and all the important steps to make everything go perfect, frankly i feel perfectly safe as long as you’re taking care of the details!  
JAKE: It’s one of the best things about you so just own it!  
DIRK: …  
DIRK: ...But,  
DIRK: I mean. Doesn’t that just make me controlling?  
JAKE: Oh i mean i guess you can be kind of a control freak bugger sometimes yeah…  
JAKE: But it was only ever a problem when you wouldnt let me in at all or let me make any decisions!   
JAKE: That doesnt mean i dont like how you can take charge or how ridiculously competent you are though, it just means loosen up and let me in a little.  
JAKE: Or, well. I suppose i mean let yourself in, in this case, heheh.  
DIRK: ……..  
JAKE: You can take point on some stuff without hurting me, dog. Just believe in yourself! I believe in you!  
DIRK: …You still believe in me? After everything?   
JAKE: Heck, dirk, of course! I’m literally trying to put your pumper in my rumpus literally as we speak, come on!   
DIRK: ...You’re lucky that sentiment was so sweet.  
DIRK: Well. If it’s true that you believe in me, then I guess,   
DIRK: We can try and give it a shot.   


You fail to resist the urge to kiss him on the cheek. You didn’t really try hard. Once again you take note of the fact that it’s the first time you’ve done that--you were doing everything out of order, it felt like. But that was fine, because Dirk’s eyes were huge and his cheeks were red and his lips were pressed together not in aloofness but in pure nervousness. You couldn’t help but enjoy how much he cared about not fucking up--it was too reassuring. 

On a whim you put your hand on his cheek, the tips of your fingers slipping into the forest of his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into your touch immediately. You never seemed to run out of ways to fall in love with how responsive he was when you were like this. Falling in love. Was that what you were doing? Was this was the movies talked about? 

 

It had been days and days of hanging out with Dirk lately, and you still just wanted more-- some awkward, tense fear in you had loosened and now being with him took as much as it gave, drained energy but then replenished it with sharp blasts of electricity. 

It probably wouldn’t last forever. You couldn’t possibly imagine staying like this forever.  
Like the trickster garbage, but better--like instead of cracking your skin open with the force of it, this glow simply lit you softly from within. Some twisted ice had melted between you two, and no there was no worry or fear holding you back--you could just see him as Dirk, as your best friend, as the boy you’d wanted to get closer to for so long, both of you pulled together through endless ropes of text. It was impossible for a fire this strong to last.

But then Dirk’s hands gripped softly, squeezing your ass, and you weren’t really worried or even thinking about the future anymore. His fingers were so long--dextruous, nimble, slender things that hid immense strength. You wondered what it would feel like, whatever he did to you next. 

You expelled something from your sylladex without moving a muscle. The bottle landed at Dirk’s side and his hand snatched it in a smooth reflexive motion, immediately arcing it wide to reach his other hand--and your behind.

DIRK: You were just carrying this thing around?  
JAKE: Haha yes well after the beach excursion i just thought...better safe than sorry, you know?  
DIRK: I wasn’t exactly planning to make a habit of banging in public like that, but ok.  
JAKE: Oh.  
...Sigh.  
DIRK: Unless you really get off on fucking in the woods, I suppose.  
DIRK: And who am I kidding? Of course you do.   
JAKE: Hehehe… *scratches at the back of his head, trying to ignore the sudden need for a towel*  
DIRK: I’m right here, you dope. You don’t have to voice out your RP lines like that.  


He chuckled while he said it, though. You couldn’t help giggling a little, yourself. Smoothly he lowered the lube bottle and you let go of both your lengths to raise your palm expectantly. He splashed lube on you gratuitously, downright flooding your hand to account for the sheer volume you’d be encompassing. You went straight to work, working you both over and groaning. Dirk moaned, and the way the sounds mingled and vibrated made you feel dizzy, almost TOO turned on. His back arched towards you and if you hadn’t needed your arm to prop yourself up you would’ve had it grabbing hungrily all over his chest. 

Both of you wet and comfortable against each other, you slowed down your pace considerably, giving Dirk time to catch his breath. He didn’t, really, but he did start getting to his own work--squirting even more copious lube onto his hand. He danced and curled the fingers around each other, seeping it into every nook and cranny. Usually he’d grin to catch you staring at something he was doing like that, but now his eyebrows just raised.

DIRK: You sure about this?  
JAKE: Yeah dude, come on! I wasn’t getting cold feet it was just…  
JAKE: Really hot. Gotta love a bloke who knows how to use his hands.  
DIRK: Um. Alright.   


The awkward shortness would have hurt if you couldn’t see him, if all his responses didn’t indicate a rush of joy and embarrassment. He hopped and jostled slightly lower down the bed and you lowered your chest and raised your hips, trying for a roughly comfortable angle. Your shoulder protested at being forced to keep you lifted high enough to see Dirk’s face with nothing but a forearm, but he would just have to be a champ and take it for the team. 

You stroked gently up and down, speeding up a little too much for Dirk, who hitched and lost his concentration. It was hard to stop yourself, though--now that it was imminent, you really were getting nervous. His hand moved slowly, too slowly, up and around your thigh. Your stomach and jaw felt lined with iron, all of you braced for a point of contact, terrified and alive and ready for something new. This was probably your favorite feeling--at least, so long as you knew you were safe. And with Dirk, you knew you were. 

And then all too, soon, there he was. Thin, gentle pressure--pressure that you knew. Dirk’s hand, his finger, trying to get into you. You shuddered and let out a breathy moan against his throat. He barely reacted. All of a sudden he was barely even looking at you, completely enthralled in not messing up what he was about to do. He pressed in a little and you shut your eyes tight--you couldn’t concentrate on anything else now, either. 

He waited. You relearned the act of breathing. Got used to it. Started enjoying it. Started getting kind of bored. Slowly realized Dirk had stalled, and would likely remain frozen here forever if you didn’t start him up again. You quickly moved your hand up to your heads and rob and spun your palm around the both of you, making you yell but making Dirk scream. His finger shook and pressed hard against you, doubling the feeling from your dick.

JAKE: Ooooh man that wasnt half bad at all…  
JAKE: Dirk, do that some more would ya?  
DIRK: Ah, fuck...dude, a little heads up next time?  
JAKE: I mean sure dirk but then what would be the point of surprising you?  
DIRK: Ugh. Fine. Do more of what?  
JAKE: Th-the...shaking thing you did there.   
DIRK: Like this?   


The tip of this finger started pressing against you and padding, rubbing back and forth over your skin rapidly.

JAKE: Jesus motherfucking nelly mama…  
DIRK: What.  
JAKE: Yes oh man i do think thats it dirk...thats actually pretty awesome.   
DIRK: Nice, alright.  
DIRK: Can I try deeper?  
JAKE: Yeah sure just--nnf--just...take it slow ok.  
DIRK: You got it.  


He sped up more, the pleasure suddenly pushing you closer against him. He stopped and you had to stifle a whine. With you wet and slick now, he reapplied yet another dose of lube and pressed his index finger against you--how did you know his hands so well you could tell which one it was? No time to think about it, though, because he was putting force on you now, not pressure but _force_ , and you were giving way to him tight and hot and deliriously vulnerable. 

He moved in slow, slow inches. Wiggled around some more inside you, which felt absolutely magnificent. You didn’t offer much resistance--now that he was here, you were finding the intrusion quite welcome. Pretty quickly he was in to the knuckle, and you were digging this. His finger ever so softly stroked inside you, searching for something you couldn’t imagine, and then suddenly--oh. Oh. Oh lord. The man really did know his stuff--fuck, was that normal? Oooh lord. You sprawled out onto him wider, straight up laying on him, and groaned. 

Whatever he was touching in you, it was sensitive, and you dropped even lower onto Dirk’s chest, straight up landing on it in fact. You moaned and winced, let go of both of your dicks and let your arm rise up and curl around behind his neck, pressed yourself against him for strength. Your cheek tickled from the hot breath of his satisfied chuckle. 

He was so warm. His skin under you, his finger inside you. You breathed in light, shallow gasps.Your chests pressed close together, you could feel both your hearts beating into each other’s skins. His finger continued its invasion and you bit down softly on him as it got all the way in. He moaned at the pressure but didn’t stop, giving you more of that mind-bending swiveling, exploring you, marking you his.

Your muscles felt stretched and tight around him, but you were getting used to it. Relaxing as the feeling became known, and then safe. He noticed, because he started gently rocking his finger in and out, making sure to lean in the direction of that glorious glowing pleasure. Getting you used to the back and forth of it slowly. You were starting to sweat, you thought--this was more effort on your end than you’d imagined. But a pleasant one. 

Letting him upgrade to two fingers wasn’t that bad--it elevated the insertion from something weird and a little awkward to a more definite entry. Somehow more comfortable, in a way you didn’t understand. You felt woozy and weak, consumed with the feeling of him inside you. Once his pointer was in to the knuckle, he slowly pushed, and you whined into his neck. Good lord, he was being so gentle. What must it have been like to be under you and your thick, thrashing salamander’s dance? You were getting really scared of what was coming, but also downright excited. You guess you really do like adventure, after all. 

But with this kind of pressure, this angle was starting to hurt. Dirk started trying for a third finger and you felt a sharp pang that made you shout, made you pull away from him and almost forced him out completely.

JAKE: Ouch!   
DIRK: Shit, you ok?   
DIRK: We can stop, if you want.  
JAKE: Shhh nonsense, i’m fine, this just...isn’t the best angle is all. Hang on…  


You pulled free and scooted to the side of the bed, plopped yourself onto your back next to him with your legs open to him. You were rewarded by the image of his eyes swelling open, taking in the figure of your dick, your ass, your legs hovering in the air, all of it framing your grin. You thought you caught him drooling a little, but he moved into action soon enough.  
He wet his fingers again and bent over you, his shadow suffocating but in a completely different way than you were used to. Warmth instead of absence. 

Like this it was much easier. His fingers slid gently in and when he added the third one it was hardly any trouble, even if the sudden wideness to the sensation was making you struggle to keep your breath. You were definitely sweating now, subtle but cold even though you felt like you were burning up. He started stroking his three fingers in and out of you, a flashing white pleasure making you moan in long drawls, a low Aaaah filling up your exhales.

DIRK: How is it?   


Looking down at you, there was no defensiveness or irony to him whatsoever. This was Dirk at home, living out his dream, fully in his element. He was so knowledgable, so skillfull, and now he was putting all of his ridiculous talent into trying to please you. AND finding the time to be worried about it, too--the nervousness in his question was as palpable as how deeply cared for he was making you feel. It almost made you want to cry, but that would probably freak him out so you fought it.

JAKE: It’s...oh, man. It’s kind of fantastic actually  
. DIRK: Really? So it’s good when I do...this?--  
JAKE: Aaaah fuck YEAH!!! Oh gosh yes i love that.  
DIRK: That’s good. I was worried about messing it up.  
DIRK: Not exactly like I have a ton of experience here.   
JAKE: Well rest assured you’re doing wonderfully now just...shut...up.  


He snickers and ups the tempo, and suddenly your chest is heaving and bobbing in wide motions as you try and fail to keep up. The world spins under you.

JAKE: Dirk...quit it...hang on a sec  


The fingers stop immediately and god, fuck, you love him for that. Knowing he’d let you back out even now made all the difference, made you sure you really did want this.

DIRK: What’s up? Something wrong?  
JAKE: No...i was just thinking  
JAKE: It’s probably time to move on to the next scene and all?  
JAKE: I’m getting pretty used to this, and don’t get me wrong its awesome but i want…  
DIRK: Shh. Stop. Don’t say it. I get the picture.  
JAKE: Aw fuddle bitching bumpers :( dirk why do you have to try and kill the romance???   
DIRK: Sorry. I’d try to be less boring, but I can’t help it. I seriously promise.  
DIRK: If you say that I’ll probably just come on the spot.   


He was careful and slow about drawing his fingers out of you, stroking the inside of your thigh with his free hand like it was something deeply precious. You stared at him--styled hair rendered messy now, thick arms and broad shoulders, hands long and subtle but also a little rough. The heavy lidded eyes and small smirk of satisfaction. If he was that worked up, he hardly showed it at all--but at least it wasn’t him hiding, instead just that he was focused entirely on doing a good job for you. 

It was sexy and comforting to see him that way, sure. But you didn’t want it to last much longer. The Dirk you liked best in bed was the one that was yearning and broken open.  
He acquired paper towels and what had to be hand sanitizer from his sylladex, cleaned himself off carefully and to his satisfaction, going on long enough to kind of annoy you. 

But when he was done he was quick about the rest of it, snaking his way up between your legs and pushing your buttocks upwards, closer to him. He lubed himself up again, and jeez, the dude was going to use up your entire bottle on your first outing together. Whatever you guess, it wouldn’t be that hard to make more of it. Despite trying not to touch you, he tried to give you a fresh layer of the stuff, and you made an impatient grunt. He looked up at you with a scowl, but then shrugged--suit yourself. 

He reared up and spread your legs back on top of you, met your eyes for another check-in. You did your best to look as excited and into this as you could, which you suppose worked because he blushed and had to look away a little too fast. He was kind of adorable like this. 

You felt him press against you and forgot how to breathe again. That sure was happening a lot today. Your eyes met again. They were so bright when he was dark and in shadow--like orange jewels from some incredible archaeological expedition. There were beads of sweat running down your forehead and shoulders now, the anticipation was almost more than you could bear. You knew he was about to ask again if you were ready and you thought you might perform a smashing olympic maneuver off the handle if he did, so you wriggled down and tried to press closer into him instead.

To your surprise, it worked. His dick kept in place and your body answered, responding to the pressure by giving way. Suddenly part of his head was embedded in you. He hissed a lot, you howled a little. Already you were realizing Dirk had been right, as usual. It had been worth taking the time to prep for this--he was so big, and more than that so firm and solid, the mass of him insisting that you stay more open than you’re used to. 

 

Knowing he was looking again, because Dirk “program an auto-responder to answer your overly cautious sexual inquiries” Strider was nothing where your relationship was concerned if not a smartass hypocrite, you nodded. You’d give him a hard time about it later, for now you were just happy he cared. 

His hands brushed at your calves, traveled along your thighs. He settled one on the inside of your leg, up against your crotch holding your legs open, and the other at the base of your dick. You gripped at your bedsheets hard and made a noise deep in your throat. He started tugging and feeling you lovingly at the exact same moment he started pushing in. 

You hadn’t known what to expect at all. Dirk’s dick was an entirely different beast to his fingers, one you weren’t quite ready for but wanted all the same. This was a blunt instrument with none of the grace and delicacy of Dirk’s hands--instead it was just power and weight and a sense of being filled up, of being penetrated. Yeah, that was the word for it. You understood it a lot better now, being on this end. 

He let out a yell as he snaked his way in, pressed his face up against your leg hair and sniffed deep. That was pretty weird but in a hot way you thought? A little more of that squeezing spreading and suddenly he was as far in as his fingers had ever been--he tried to angle the pressure a little to aim at that heavenly spot but overdid it and stopped rapidly at your short, sharp scream. Apologized under his breath but you didn’t answer, couldn’t speak. You were too overwhelmed with the raw long imprint of him inside you.

God you wished he would pay a little more attention to your dick, even if you knew it was a bad idea, that it would make you finish too soon. You tried to reach for him but managed only to grip your fingers around his knees--slightly furry now, after days of you keeping him too busy to shave. You definitely liked the feeling of the soft hair under your skin. You were gonna have to try and convince him to commit to it sometime. 

You tried to imagine what he looked like inside you--hard pink head against soft pink flesh, the loose dark skin of his cock bearing into you. Maybe he’d let you record this stuff eventually, that sounded downright spectacular. You had a happy feeling that there wasn’t much you’d want to try that Dirk would ever say no to. Then he risked a genuine shove and forced himself the rest of the way inside you to your soft cry.

DIRK: Shit.  
JAKE: Ah…  
DIRK: Oh god, this feels incredible. Are you ok, Jake? Did I hurt you?  
JAKE: I’m...right as fucking rain actually...ooh just fine and dandy.   
JAKE: I think...you can keep going. I can handle it, i’ll let you know if things get rough.  
DIRK: You’re sure?  
JAKE: Oh lord’s fucking bellwhistles dirk YES!!! FUCK ME ALREADY!!!   


The man pratically turns into a tomato, red as he gets. Completely ridiculous. All that talk and talk and talk about how interesting and academic his interest in sex was, how detached and above it all he worked to come off as, and now just asking him to do it reduced him to a blushing bride! You felt an odd urge to talk to Roxy about it, thought it’d be a fun subject to jam about if you didn’t think it would hurt his feelings. Oh well, it was fun enough just to know it yourself. 

Dirk removed himself in a slow, tender motion, renewed his invasion at the same languid pace. But it was fast enough that it was a single motion, and you wailed. The next time was slightly faster, and the time after that was plain old fast. You couldn’t tear your eyes off him, he just looked like such a guy, the weight of control and responsibility just suited him naturally. Especially when it meant you didn’t have to do anything but enjoy the ride. 

You had gotten used to him so quickly it surprised you. You felt aching and drenched in sweat, your legs wet and strained from being held above your head. It was a lot of work to keep yourself accessible, but worthwhile work at that. The reward was his eyes squeezed shut, the grit of his teeth and the low groaning growl he uttered deep in his chest. The girth of his dick inside you. 

He pressed himself in to the base, unrolling and forcing absolutely all of his length that he could deep into you. You grabbed at his chest and felt at his neck, his shoulders, his nipples. He started stroking your dick up and down in earnest and your legs spread wider in answer, you arching your back and groaning for him. 

He took a chance and pulled out with a swift, sudden motion--then thrust himself all the way back in, forced you open with himself fluid and comfortable. You felt his balls smack against your rump and whimpered.

JAKE: Ahh, dirk, oh god…  
JAKE: Do that again, oh man, bro please…   
DIRK: I should warn you I’m not going to last much longer, dude.   
DIRK: Pretty soon I’ll have to pull out and use my hand the rest of the way.   
JAKE: You will absolutely NOT do that, i don’t know how you could ever conceive of it.   
JAKE: Dirk if you don’t shut up and take me right now we’re breaking up immediately, have i made myself clear???  
DIRK: ...Take you?  
JAKE: Yes come on dirk i’m sure you know what it means!!! I’m waiting here!!!  
JAKE: Just your beloved boyfriend waiting helplessly to be ravished, i’m all yours here!!!!!  
JAKE: You know, unless i DIE from old age waiting--  
DIRK: Alright, alright, you made your point! Also, you’re immortal.  
JAKE: Hurrrrr yes smartass that was the point!!!!  
DIRK: Fine, you got me good. Gonna need some burn heal.   


But his eyes weren’t on your conversation, they were on you. You, sprawled onto the bed. Your spread ass, nailed down with him. Your dick throbbing in his hand. Your words: Waiting helplessly to be ravished. All yours here. Take me.  He licked his lips, seemingly truly aware at last that this was really happening.

DIRK: Alright. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  


And then he started stroking your cock again. Angled himself up, taking your leg in his free hand’s grip for traction. Pulled out, and let out a harsh grunt that broke into a shrill moan as he pounded back in. He started bucking back and forth into you, wet and hot, somehow angled perfectly (or maybe just the perfect shape naturally) and the full length of him rubbing along that amazing little place between your butt and your dick. 

His smooth motions and the tight squeeze of his hand on your dick were almost too much to take on top of that, and before you knew it you couldn't stop whimpering. Making petulant and whiny noises, deep in your throat, that only seem to encourage him. He was crying out too, breathing your name through his tightly-drawn lips. 

His hand reached out and felt at your nipple and you twisted your neck away from him, and then his next thrust hit you just right and your legs curled around him. You shuddered. He came in again and pulled his hand down over your length and it was like he broke some lock open. Suddenly you were crying out loud to the heavens. Thick, warm liquid coming out of you and spilling over his fingers, shooting up into his chest and hitting him on the face. 

He went on stroking you and the sensitivity raised your cries into screams into outright shrieks but you didn't fight him. It felt like too much, and it was wonderful, and you were his. He slid you open one more time and yelled your name, curling his arm around your shoulder and pressing his face into your chest and breathing deeply. The rest of him stayed perfectly still as you felt him throb and quiver inside you, filling you up with his seed. You decided the feeling of him wrapped around your legs was your favorite ever. 

Now that he was in reach, you curled your arms around the wide spread of his back, pulled him into you. This felt right, you thought. This felt perfect. You moaned Dirk’s name, bending to meet his ear, and he stirred from the place where he’d frozen. Stared up at you with mindblown, wide eyes.

DIRK: Holy shit…  
DIRK: I feel like I’m saying that a lot, lately.  
JAKE: No fucking kidding...jeez man, you should’ve told me it was this awesome.  
JAKE: Now i almost feel cheated!   
DIRK: I did pretty much literally tell you that, back in the shower.  
JAKE: Oh hush…  
DIRK: I wish I didn’t have to pull out, to be honest.   
JAKE: So don’t, come up here and cuddle me.  
DIRK: Uh...I dunno, that seems unhygienic.  
JAKE: Ugh yeah but my shower’s awesome and we’re gods, dog. It’ll be fine!  
DIRK: Fair enough.  


He adjusted carefully, out of respect for how sensitive both of you were, but soon you were sprawled out onto your pillows like a king, grinning and sweaty and happy, and he was wrapped around your side, his ear pressed against the place where your heart was beating. He let himself rest and soften inside you, a comforting presence at this point. Both of your chests heaved and bobbed, rocking each other.

DIRK: I don’t say this often enough.  
DIRK: Or, you know. Ever.  
DIRK: But I feel like I can right now, so I ought to.  
DIRK: I love you a lot.  
DIRK: I don’t know if I mean that romantically, I feel like framing it that way would almost cheapen the effect.   
DIRK: I mean besides that blatantly obvious way. You’re my best friend, and I love you.  
JAKE: Aw shucks buster…dirk you’re gonna make me cry.  
JAKE: I knew what you meant, though.  
JAKE: I love you too.  
JAKE: As my best friend, AND my boyfriend, whatever exactly the difference is supposed to be.   
JAKE: I’m still not sure there is one but whatever, the point is that was the best time of my life just now.  
DIRK: Wow. High praise, thanks.  
JAKE: Haha yes well you earned it! YOWZA  


You craned your neck to plant a kiss on his head and smiled at the way his breath hitched. He didn’t even snicker at your silly exclamation, and you’d been TRYING to be as corny as possible and everything. Already that big-headed feeling from being in Dirk’s head was fading, the magic giving way to simple hot intimacy, the feeling of sweat and the nice, thick smell of you and Dirk. 

Eventually, he softened up enough to simply fall out--much to your regret, if you were to be candid about it. But that was alright. You had the satisfaction of what you’d just done, and a new approach you wanted to try more of together. He cleaned himself off and you indulged him by wiping most of the jizz off yourself, too. You could compromise sometimes. 

The best part was you could still feel his semen inside you, and it didn’t seem like that was going anywhere for a while. As usual, Dirk know the best way to handle everything--producing a towel from his sylladex to lay under you for the night. Deemed “clean enough” now, or at least having arrived to some sort of middle ground, Dirk pressed his backside up against you, encouraging you to hold him in the way you were really hoping would become your new regular thing. It was nice to know it probably would be, if you tried hard enough. 

You wrapped your hand around his dick again, probably your new favorite place to be in the universe. Sometime soon you were gonna tell him that. Try and describe why you liked the thick resistance around your palm. You could basically see his mouth twisting over himself, his cheeks flushing bright red, his eyes trying to look anywhere but right at you already.  
It was adorable how shy he got about saying this stuff. 

As you drifted off to sleep, you felt something starting in your heart, something really excellent beginning. It was a feeling you had forgotten, or maybe had never really known. You mumbled Dirk’s name and felt a quiet victory when he sleepily answered with yours.  
Yeah. This was the life. 

This was what it felt like to be at peace.


End file.
